


love lessons

by last



Category: BTOB
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 07:37:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8658232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/last/pseuds/last
Summary: having a crush is an odd enough experience to begin with; having one on your senior and consequently dating him takes some getting used to.





	

**Author's Note:**

> (a.k.a. the big, wonderful college au)
> 
> hi! it’s me, back at it again with another lengthy one-shot ~~and not the third instalment of _close for comfort_ but i _will_ get there~~. here is something quite drama-esque with a bit of inspiration taken from _reply 1994_ and _age of youth_. it’s basically a college romance and first love (but don’t i always write about firsts?) ft. 90line as the landlords and fake dads. :-) plenty of tropes and clichés included! i had started this last year and it was supposed to be a very short thing – only the spin the bottle scene, actually – but you know how it goes.
> 
> by the way, the school year is based on the western system starting in september so that ilhoon and sungjae are both first years.

ilhoon thinks there are plenty more downsides to living in a boarding house than if he had ended up staying in an ordinary dorm like the other students in his classes.

for one, he could’ve had his own room – _alone_ – and not share with this yook sungjae who snores loudly at night and leaves his used socks all over the place. there are also not nearly enough bathrooms to the number of boarders here, and that equals waiting. it equals waiting half an hour for whoever is hogging one shower to finally get out of there, only for somebody else to slip inside before ilhoon has realised it. there’s the swift slam of the door followed by a defeated groan almost two times a day (and damn himself for his need to shower that often). whenever this happens he believes things would have been simpler if he had went elsewhere.

and then there’s eunkwang and minhyuk, the two that run the place. they’re nice enough, kind of fatherly actually and they like to cook for everybody which ilhoon has no complaints about. (he did miss home.) it’s just that there are these rules and curfews and he probably wouldn’t be as closely monitored in the university’s accommodation. being this age is said to be about becoming free, after all.

but then again, ilhoon supposes that if he hadn’t come here he wouldn’t have met hyunsik. _im-sunbae._ he’s the fourth year student staying in the room across from his – alone because he’s just that important – and, frankly speaking, ilhoon liked him on sight. the afternoon he arrived, hyunsik was the one who carried his bags upstairs for him. he supposes it was by eunkwang’s request (because as helpful as he wished he could be, he’s rather weak, he claimed), but he was gracious about it regardless. he was too sweet for his own good, made conversation that wasn’t as painful as first ones tend to be. actually, he hasn’t changed much since then. ilhoon likes to think that he’s kinder than most people, and here everybody spends a lot of time together whether they intend to or not which means getting closer to him without needing to put in the effort. (he still does though.)

it also means hyunsik having insisted on walking home with ilhoon every evening since he’s in the music department too (“oh, what a coincidence!”) and he’s his sunbae after all (“i’m your sunbae after all.”). he usually waits downstairs even if his last class ended an hour ago, hangs around in the entrance hall and other students always seem to flock to him whenever he’s alone with nothing to do.

today it’s a group of girls, maybe from ilhoon’s year or rather the second since they seem somewhat familiar with hyunsik, and he doesn’t exactly want to burst their bubble of excitement but he would like to go home right about now. (class was the most boring one he’s had the misfortune to be stuck in so far, and that’s not an easy accomplishment.)

“sunbae,” he calls, although it comes out as more of a pathetic murmur above anything else.

“ilhoon-ah!” hyunsik somehow notices anyway and it makes every girl with him turn around – and ilhoon feels each pair of eyes on him, knows that they’re all thinking the same thing. hyunsik does a light jog towards him, drapes his arm over his shoulder and gives a small wave behind him before the two of them leave the building.

“what was that,” ilhoon asks, as if it’s any of his business. “i mean, what—”

“hoping that i’d spend some time after hours helping them with compositions,” hyunsik shrugs. “but that offer’s already been taken, not that it was for anybody else.”

just what ilhoon wanted to hear – that he’s something special to hyunsik even if he isn’t. it makes his heart feel kind of funny when he’s like this, maybe skip a few more beats than usual. they head for the edge of campus and soon reach the crossing they usually take.

“are you hungry?” hyunsik asks, and ilhoon nods to him. “let’s go eat first.”

hyunsik takes him to a little noodle place a few blocks away from home, a regular spot but ilhoon still likes it as much as the first time they had come here together. hyunsik orders his braised beef bowl and ilhoon’s curry udon – they never really change.

“are you wanting to work on your song some more tonight?” hyunsik asks, his chopsticks hovering in front of his mouth.

“yeah, if that’s alright,” ilhoon replies.

“of course. i think it’s almost there though, it sounds pretty good already,” hyunsik reaches over and he pats his head. “as expected of my star student.”

“i’m your _only_ student,” he reminds him.

and hyunsik just smiles, “then you’ll always be the best, hm?”

he pays for them both – makes sense when he studies _and_ works in the music department. (his dad is a professor there, one of the higher-ups actually, and he pulled some strings even if hyunsik’s already a bit of a genius and they would’ve taken him on anyway.) meanwhile it hurts ilhoon to even buy candy sometimes, not that he really wants to try and balance a job with school either.

and, well, im-sunbae’s a perfect gentleman after all.

 

 

 

 

“funny,” sungjae says from his bed the second ilhoon lies down on his own, and here he was hoping for some solitude just now but had a feeling that he wouldn’t get it. sungjae’s flat on his back and he would be talking to the ceiling if ilhoon didn’t always have the itch to listen to his silly talk. “for a second, i forgot that you live here.”

“what—”

“hey, hyung,” sungjae rolls onto his side, rests his chin on his palm. “tell me, what’s with you and im-sunbae?”

“i don’t—i dunno, he’s like my tutor or something,” ilhoon mumbles to himself rather than at sungjae.

“yeah, that’s nice and all, but do you _like_ him?”

he doesn’t get where he’s trying to go with this, “everyone does.”

“i asked _you_ ,” sungjae clarifies, and he sits up.

“why do you care?”

“i find it cute,” he grins at ilhoon, makes him turn away for a second because he looks so pleased and that’s _weird_. “you and him. i’m a bit jealous, actually.”

ilhoon raises an eyebrow, “of what?”

“don’t you watch dramas, hyung?” sungjae asks, almost confused. “the freshman and the senior getting close and inevitably falling in love, life imitates art.”

“you’re so fucking strange.”

“and you like im-sunbae, there’s another truth for you,” sungjae smiles and he doesn’t seem so disingenuous anymore. maybe he really does care.

“i mean,” ilhoon supposes. “i guess i like him a little...”

“a little?”

“a _lot_ ,” he corrects himself.

“that’s _so_ cute.”

nevermind. yes, ilhoon wants to talk about it; no, he doesn’t want it to be with sungjae. he’s got a knack for making things embarrassing, as if ilhoon needs him to do that when he’s good enough at it on his own. having a crush is so difficult.

 

 

 

 

“good morning, ilhoonie,” minhyuk says as ilhoon walks into the kitchen. he’s stirring a large bowl and he has a frying pan waiting on the stove.

“oh—morning, ilhoonie!” eunkwang looks up from his plate. the two of them have tried to nickname everybody in a similar fashion, although calling sungjae ‘yookie’ never really stuck. “minhyuk’s making pancakes today. how many would you like?”

“one or two,” ilhoon replies. he isn’t too fussed.

“two it is,” minhyuk cheerfully decides.

“come and sit down, have some tea,” eunkwang looks towards the empty space on the countertop, where they all sit for breakfast. “penie was just telling us about america.”

he always is. it’s what eunkwang asks about every morning and it’s a miracle that the topic hasn’t been exhausted through and through yet. ilhoon takes a seat on the stool and listens in anyway.

“and uh...” peniel pauses to check his watch. “oh, shoot—i actually have to go now. see you all later.”

and as they tend to, eunkwang and minhyuk chime in unison, “have a great day, penie!”

he’s out the door, and ilhoon turns back towards eunkwang, “has everyone else already left?”

he nods, “yup, sungjae left just before you came down. hyunsikie and changsubie left earlier.”

minhyuk brings over a plate with ilhoon’s two pancakes, slides the bottle of syrup and the little bowl for butter along the counter so they’re easier for him to reach. he knows that there’s fruit in the refrigerator as well, but he’s too lazy to move.

“so, ilhoonie,” eunkwang moves over onto the stool peniel was sitting on, nudges ilhoon with his elbow. “a little bird told me that you and hyunsikie have been getting along very well lately.”

bothered, ilhoon immediately stops pouring syrup, “was that bird named sungjae?”

“well—anyway, you’ve been working on a song together, haven’t you?” eunkwang smiles at him, completely ignoring his sudden annoyance.

“yeah,” he nods anyway.

“gosh, i wish i had a senior to take care of me back in the day,” eunkwang gushes as he references his youth once again, for possibly the thousandth time since ilhoon first moved here.

“you had me, eunkwang-ah!” minhyuk reminds him from the sink. he’s letting the tap run so that the dishes can soak.

“i did!” eunkwang grins, and then he sighs a little. “but isn’t it so dreamy, minhyuk-ah? being treated day in and day out like that? when we were first years, we would split a meal between us.”

and minhyuk nods, “that was us treating each other, ilhoonie.”

“i think i’ve heard this all before,” ilhoon raises an eyebrow. (he probably knows the entire story of how they met and everything that’s happened up until this point by now.) “besides, it’s just because he feels bad, says i’m always alone.”

“i’m sure it isn’t that,” minhyuk joins the two of them at the counter and sits beside eunkwang. “you can definitely tell when a person adores somebody.”

“i don’t know. he’s just really nice,” ilhoon shrugs, then he stuffs a slice of pancake into his mouth.

and minhyuk shrugs back at him, “sure, but he’s the nicest to you.”

ilhoon supposes that if they’re onto something, as two of the kindest people ever who figured that they were the kindest to each other, then there could be more to this lingering feeling he’s been having for too long now. that, or they’re such romantics that they make love stories out of thin air. he hasn’t a clue, really.

 

 

 

 

when hyunsik turns the corner of the hallway and heads straight for ilhoon once his class is over, the first thing he does is hand him an unopened bag of his favourite candy – assorted fruit-flavoured gummies.

“what’s this for?” ilhoon asks, but he still accepts it.

hyunsik simply shrugs, “saw it and thought of you.”

“are you trying to make me fall for you?” ilhoon asks next, as if he hasn’t already (long ago). it’s supposed to come across as a joke, it’s an attempt to find out how hyunsik feels.

“i’m not trying,” he says.

must be nice to have so many people in love with him, and if he’s got an inkling about ilhoon he certainly isn’t stopping him from falling in deeper. they walk a little to avoid blocking the area as the other students continue to leave the room. ilhoon tears open the bag and picks out a mango gummy, gives it to hyunsik because he knows he likes those.

he smiles as he takes it, and he asks, “how was class?”

“not bad, i guess,” ilhoon thinks. “a lot of stuff i already knew because of you.”

“glad that you’ve been paying attention then,” hyunsik reaches over and ruffles his hair, would almost annoy him for messing it up if he was anybody else.

“by the way, i didn’t know that you were leaving so early this morning.”

“my dad’s gotten himself sick, asked me to fill in for him,” hyunsik frowns as if he’s really done something to regret here. “i’m sorry, i should have told you.”

“oh—no, it’s okay,” ilhoon rushes to tell him. he didn’t mean for him to apologise when he was just doing what he’s supposed to.

“wanna come and sit in his office for a while?” hyunsik asks, and ilhoon does, every time.

it’s nice and quiet in here, gives the two of them a bit of peace from the rest of the students whenever it’s possible (only on the days when the professor— _hyunsik’s dad_ —isn’t on campus). they sit on the couch, maybe too close to each other when there’s so much room left unoccupied.

“i’m covering for your next class, i think,” hyunsik pauses for a second to rack his brain. “music history?”

“yeah,” ilhoon nods, and he wishes he had known although he isn’t entirely sure if he takes in more or less when hyunsik’s lecturing. he probably spends most of his time staring at him, to be frank.

“do you have any more afterwards?” hyunsik asks, and ilhoon shakes his head. “guess we can go home early today then.”

and that sounds pretty good to ilhoon if it means everybody just seeing them leaving together once again, and perhaps they’ll seethe a little with jealousy that ilhoon’s the only one this close to im-sunbae. that tiny, rotten part of him hiding deep down inside always wishes so.

 

 

 

 

“oh—what a surprise! you two are here for dinner tonight?” eunkwang stands up from the dining table when ilhoon and hyunsik come downstairs from their after school study session (or, rather, hyunsik playing every song he knows on the keyboard while ilhoon sat on his bed). “come on, sit down. i’ll get you some rice.”

eunkwang disappears into the kitchen as they take the empty seats, conveniently next to each other, and he returns with two bowls. already on the table is a plate of broccoli and sliced carrots, a bowl of some chilli beef, and their usual kimchi as well. ilhoon helps himself to some vegetables first.

“the fish is almost done,” eunkwang assures them. “have some tea too.”

he reaches for the stack of cups towards the end of the table and gives them one each, then grabs the teapot and pours tea almost up to the brims. ilhoon can tell from the scented steam rising in front of him that it’s orange-infused green tea today.

“so, how were your days?” eunkwang asks, setting the teapot down again.

“okay,” ilhoon answers how he usually does.

“i was teaching,” hyunsik replies. “ended up being ilhoon’s professor for a couple of hours, actually.”

“how was he, ilhoonie?” eunkwang leans forwards just a bit, his chin resting on top of his hands.

“um—he was good,” ilhoon mutters with rice in his mouth, and hyunsik quietly laughs to himself. it was still a compliment, wasn’t it?

minhyuk wanders out of the kitchen a few seconds later with a plate of roasted trout adorned with green onion and places it in the empty space left at the centre of the table. he sits down and joins everybody.

“sorry, we didn’t have time to prepare soup today,” he apologises first of all. “eunkwang was working and i was visiting my parents earlier.”

“it’s no problem,” changsub, sitting at the other end of the table, says. “i can’t drink too much anyway, gets me going to the bathroom all night—”

“you’re the one constantly hogging the bathroom?” sungjae interrupts, almost slamming his bowl onto the table.

changsub glares at him, “what? go downstairs. there are two toilets, you know.”

“it’s _dark_ ,” sungjae deadpans back and he’s serious.

“ah—well—anyway, what are all of your plans tonight?” eunkwang continues smiling like things weren’t about to kick off just now. (besides, those two are always at it.)

“i think i’m gonna watch a movie,” peniel tilts his head and thinks. “yeah, probably.”

“i intend to lie down for a long time,” changsub grins as if he’s talking about something big and impressive here.

“what about you, ilhoonie?” minhyuk asks.

“he’ll be with im-sunbae, of course,” sungjae answers for him, although he clearly did not request such a favour. “we don’t even need to ask anymore.”

and ilhoon blushes, knows he is because he always gets so hot whenever he does, and he doesn’t have anything to say.

“we have things to be working on,” hyunsik replies, so coolly. “if any of you want to join us, feel free to switch majors.”

that conversation kind of dies right there and then, and eunkwang tries again by bringing back the subject of peniel’s choice of movie tonight. ilhoon pities the effort he has to put in to keep this place together, but admires it all the same. god bless him.

 

 

 

 

hyunsik takes ilhoon to a café off-campus for lunch today, one that they’ve come to like and their preferred choice whenever they have enough time to eat somewhere else. (admittedly, the university’s food isn’t all that bad, but it can be pricey and neither of them really enjoy paying more than what a sandwich should be worth.)

“ilhoon-ah,” hyunsik calls out from across their little table. “one of my classmates asked if i’d help the soccer team out later, said they’re down a player today. would you come and watch me?”

“i didn’t know that you played,” ilhoon says rather than agreeing right away like he would if he was the type to be obvious about feelings. (and he’s anything but.)

“i don’t,” hyunsik lets out a laugh, and he smiles. “but i could always use the support.”

and now ilhoon can accept his request. he accepts half of the vanilla cheesecake hyunsik decides to order for them too – after playing as if he doesn’t want it first, of course. never appear too eager, that’s his rule.

once class is over for the day, ilhoon heads to the playing field and finds a seat on the bleachers, somewhere off to the side, inconspicuous like he prefers. he sits and waits for a short while, until the teams start coming out and hyunsik kindly takes a moment to find him and gives him a wave. (and other people return it as if it was meant for them, which it clearly was not.) ilhoon waves back although all he can seem to notice is that the white shorts hyunsik’s wearing ride up rather high on him – they’re a bit small in general, actually.

not that ilhoon hates what he’s seeing but—

the whistle blows and he keeps his eyes on hyunsik and hyunsik only, watches him run around the pitch although he doesn’t exactly seem to know what he’s doing half the time. at least he looks cool – well, ilhoon thinks so. he tries his best not to zone out when he honestly has zero interest in sports, feels a little guilty whenever his mind starts wandering elsewhere even for a second.

and all of a sudden, hyunsik’s gotten the ball and he’s somehow dribbling it along the field, players on his team shouting his name for a pass and players on the other team planning their attack. one guy moves in and he slides into a swift tackle, sends hyunsik over his foot and onto the ground. he lands with such a thud that even ilhoon can hear it.

he barely registers what it was at first, takes longer than he should to realise that hyunsik’s still lying there and the only thing he can think to do is run to him. he rushes past the players standing around, gets to hyunsik before anybody else has the chance.

“ _sunbae_ —” he grabs onto him like he needs saving or something. it was only a fall, but on hard, artificial turf nonetheless. “are you okay—”

“i’m fine, ilhoon-ah,” hyunsik sits up, almost unfazed. “i just scraped my knee.”

ilhoon grimaces as he takes a proper look at it, the raw redness coming through his skin, “you should at least get it covered up.”

and hyunsik takes hold of his wrist, “come with me.”

he walks fairly decently despite a slight limp now, but still has his arm over ilhoon’s shoulder anyway because he insists that he should. (it’s almost funny actually, that his instincts have kicked in this hard when he usually does nothing at all – guess that he cares a whole lot.) they head for the locker room where a first aid kit is kept for times like this.

“i guess me and sports don’t exactly mix, huh?” hyunsik says rather casually as he sits on the bench.

ilhoon brings the case over and joins him, “be careful next time.”

“were you really worried?” hyunsik asks and he looks so serious, the smile on his face is gone.

“of course i was,” ilhoon looks away, because as much as he means it he also hates to admit it, as if it’s shameful to be this concerned.

he feels hyunsik’s hand reach for his hair but he doesn’t ruffle it this time, he runs his fingers through it instead and it somehow seems so tender, “i’m sorry.”

ilhoon isn’t entirely sure what to take that as, if anything at all. he simply continues doing what he should – he finds the antiseptic wipes in the kit and tears one open. he kneels on the ground, in front of hyunsik.

“stay still,” he says.

he does his best to disinfect the wound, and hyunsik recoils just a bit but takes it well regardless. ilhoon picks out a bandage large enough to cover everything up and sticks it to hyunsik’s knee, is careful not to press down where it hurts. he reckons he’s done a pretty good job.

“thank you,” hyunsik agrees. “i doubt that they’ll need me now so how about we head on home?”

he decides to change himself without much warning, and ilhoon pretends to be interested in something on his phone rather than the sight directly in front of him. (he doesn’t want to be _weird_ , although he does notice the tattoo on hyunsik’s back, right below his neck – the sun, the moon and a compass. he wonders what it means.) and he supposes that his first attempt at being a sad excuse for a cheerleader was short-lived yet, despite everything, hyunsik’s still the coolest person ever, at least in his heart.

he must be in deep.

 

 

 

 

“ _wait_ —say that again,” sungjae suddenly sits up from his bed although he was listening pretty passively for the past ten minutes. he does this all the time – once something piques his interest, he’s slightly extreme in his reactions.

ilhoon, on his own bed, rolls onto his side, “what?”

“the hair thing,” sungjae replies.

“oh, he just kind of... stroked my hair?” ilhoon tries to describe it better, but he can’t find the exact words to make it seem like something casual. “like, he usually ruffles it anyway but this time he—i don't really know.”

“he just gave your hair a nice feel?” sungjae seems so astonished, his feet hit the ground.

“yeah.”

and his lips extend into the widest, closed-lipped smile before he says, “hyung, he literally wants you.”

“ _sungjae_.”

“no, really,” he insists and he doesn’t exactly seem to be joking. “that isn’t some _you’re such a good friend_ shit, that’s an _i think about you all the time_ thing.”

ilhoon considers it for a moment, only to decide he isn’t so sure about that, “don’t be so presumptuous.”

“why must you be in denial?” sungjae groans to himself. “anyone else would’ve made a move by now.”

“i’m scared of being mistaken,” ilhoon admits for once. this is the closest he’s ever gotten to somebody he’s taken a liking to and getting any further doesn’t seem to be an easy feat. “i don’t want to be stupid and mess up when we have to see each other every day.”

“i guess you have a point, but i’m still convinced that he likes you,” sungjae grins and if he’s right, ilhoon might even swear to never speak badly of him again.

on second thought, that’s very unlikely.

 

 

 

 

eunkwang and minhyuk are away for the weekend, left for some last-minute trip together a few cities away.

and everybody living like this, so closely that their business constantly overlaps, means inviting a bunch of acquaintances over and gathering on this very evening to play spin the bottle – and the cap pointing directly at ilhoon during hyunsik’s turn. he doesn’t notice at first because he’s feeling so woozy from the soju he’s downed to avoid kissing anybody else, but once he does his heart begins to pound in an instant.

“four, five. you have to kiss him,” someone (ilhoon can’t tell who) says, but he’s frozen solid and hyunsik’s staring at him with his eyes wider than he’s ever seen. he’s hesitating to even budge an inch towards him too. “eight, nine, ten. it’s a french kiss now.”

hyunsik lowers his head, hides his face from view like he feels guilty about this, and ilhoon wonders if it’s because he knows that he’s never been kissed in his life. (on the lips, that is.) he told hyunsik because the topic of _love_ arose some time ago and ilhoon hasn’t been in it before, completely missed out on that high school romance everybody longs for. in the same conversation he had tried to hint at his (dare he calls it) crush for the hundredth time but he isn’t sure that it got through to hyunsik in the slightest.

“fifteen. that’s seven minutes in heaven,” a voice to his left says.

hyunsik eventually stands up as ilhoon goes to reach for the bowl of soju sitting in the middle of their circle, and he’s stopped in his tracks when he registers that there’s a firm grip on his wrist attempting to guide him away. he lets it. hyunsik doesn’t speak a single word until they’re inside the storage room under the stairs and he’s turned on the light and shut the door behind them.

“i’m sorry,” he shakes his head. “i just didn’t know what to do.”

it’s cramped in here but he manages to sit down after clumsily knocking a shelf with his elbow. ilhoon joins him without being asked to.

“um—sunbae, what are we going to do in here,” ilhoon says rather than asks, his shoulder pressing into hyunsik’s.

“i don’t know,” he looks over at him and he isn’t so sure either. “talk?”

“about what,” ilhoon’s eyes lower to his own crossed legs.

“should i kiss you instead?” hyunsik asks and ilhoon doesn’t mean to turn to him so suddenly but when he’s asking a question like that, he can’t help it.

“don’t joke around about that,” he mumbles.

“i’m not,” hyunsik replies and the second that ilhoon actually understands what he just said, he hears his heart beat ten times harder than it already was. “do you like me, ilhoon-ah?”

“what—”

“because i like you,” he says and he lets out a defeated sort of laugh. “should i really be admitting this?”

and ilhoon confesses at last, “yes to everything.”

so hyunsik kisses him, softly on the lips, makes just a few seconds seem to last forever and the heat rush to his face as if the alcohol hasn’t done enough to him already. and even if he could die right now, he’d relive this over and over.

 

 

 

 

at the end of the night, hyunsik stays sitting on the living room floor after everybody else has disappeared off. ilhoon might have joined them if he had the will to move, but he truthfully didn’t even notice that they were all leaving until they were actually gone. of course, it isn’t so bad, being here with hyunsik and it’s just the two of them like it almost always is.

“hey,” hyunsik shuffles closer, leans into ilhoon’s shoulder. “aren’t you tired?”

“a little,” he supposes, and he summons all the strength he has inside of him to hold in a yawn otherwise hyunsik will probably insist that he goes to bed (and he just wants to be with him right now – their moment was cut short as the seven minutes came to an end and sungjae swung the door wide open).

“come to my room for a bit.”

they sit on hyunsik’s bed, a usual place for them anyway but it has ilhoon nervous tonight. beds when you’re friends mean lounging around and chatting, beds when you could be an item mean—

“are you still feeling...” hyunsik cocks his head, and ilhoon nods at him – he and drinking have never quite gotten along. “don’t worry, you’ll sleep it off.”

beds when you could be an item mean exactly the same thing for now so calm down, ilhoon.

“sunbae,” he says and he tries to figure out how to phrase this without sounding completely stupid. “are we... i mean, what are we now—”

“god, i must be an idiot for forgetting to ask,” hyunsik quietly laughs to himself. he reaches for ilhoon’s hand and he holds it in his. “will you go out with me, ilhoon-ah?”

there’s a rush beneath ilhoon’s skin and he gives hyunsik a bright smile, one that’s reserved just for him, “yes.”

and hyunsik smiles back, and ilhoon could never dream of competing with his sheer radiance but he’s quite alright with accepting that (as long as he gets to be the one to witness it every day).

“let’s go on a date tomorrow,” hyunsik pats the top of ilhoon’s thigh. “get some sleep and we can watch a movie or whatever you want to do. just let me know.”

“okay,” ilhoon agrees, and it turns out that im-sunbae really could be the perfect guy. (and now he’s his, his, his.)

 

 

 

 

sungjae wakes up to ilhoon wandering around their room this afternoon, stopping in front of the mirror for a moment to adjust the collar of his shirt the tiniest bit and tug at the hem of his cardigan. it’s still cold out even though spring is almost here so he scans his closet for a jacket next.

“you’re going out?” sungjae rubs his eyes as he sits up. “you always stay in on sundays.”

“well, i have somewhere to be today,” ilhoon replies, pulling out a padded zip-up.

“cool,” sungjae yawns. “oh, right. about last night, you and im-sunbae.”

(by the time ilhoon had returned to his room after seeing hyunsik, sungjae had already knocked out. not that it was a rare instance of quiet when his snores could wake up the entire city, but ilhoon was free from questions for once.)

“what about us?” he asks.

“the two of you were stuck in that tiny room so _please_ tell me that something actually happened between you,” sungjae clarifies as if it’s the last thing he wants to hear before he dies.

“oh, yeah,” ilhoon says so casually (when it’s taking far more effort to come across like this than it should). “we’re dating now.”

“incredible.”

hyunsik’s already waiting in the living room when ilhoon heads downstairs. he looks hug-worthy in his oversized sweater and ripped jeans, has ilhoon wanting to give him one as he walks towards him but his arms stay put by his sides.

“hey,” hyunsik opens his arms wide like he can read ilhoon’s mind and he gives him the biggest hug he’s probably ever had, even if peniel’s sitting right there watching tv. he doesn’t say anything anyway. “shall we?”

they go to eat first although it’s rather late for lunch – they still need food after all. and it may be terribly simple, but the soup they order tastes so perfect to ilhoon when hyunsik’s sitting opposite him and he knows that he wants to be here as much as he does. (love really must turn people delusional – they’ve had this before and, if ilhoon recalls correctly, it certainly wasn’t this good back then.)

once they’re done, they walk to the cinema although it takes some time. ilhoon keeps close to hyunsik and, somehow, it isn’t as cold as he had expected.

nowhere near as warm as it is when they finally get indoors, of course. hyunsik pays for both of their tickets, insists on buying popcorn too because he’s a firm believer that no cinema visit is complete without it. he passes the bag to ilhoon, they head off to their screen and they take the stairs right to the back. (the best seats, they agree.)

the movie starts off well enough. it has ilhoon paying attention for a while, yet he eventually realises that it’s dragging terribly and not nearly as interesting as the commercial made it out to be. he reaches for the popcorn and mistakenly brushes against hyunsik’s hand (and this probably makes for a far better movie than the one they’re watching). hyunsik takes hold of him and he’s clearly just as done with it as he is.

somehow, in the darkness, ilhoon can still sense hyunsik moving in closer and he squeezes his hand as he shuts his eyes. he lets him kiss him even if there are people around right now – whether they can see them or not, who knows – and it feels so daring, it’s almost electrifying to ilhoon. when hyunsik pulls away, he leans back in because he’s wanted him for the longest time now, and there’s making out at the cinema already crossed off his to-do list.

it’s as dark as it was inside when they leave. hyunsik takes a quick look around and points to the left of the street.

“if we walk that way, we can catch the bus over there,” he says, wrapping an arm around ilhoon – casual enough that nobody suspects too much, close enough that he knows what it means. “are you cold?”

“just a bit,” he replies, and hyunsik insists on giving him his scarf.

they step onto the bus when it arrives after a five-minute or so wait. again, they take the seats at the back, hyunsik by the window and ilhoon right by his side. and when ilhoon yawns, hyunsik brings his head to his shoulder and lets him rest it there.

“go to sleep,” hyunsik murmurs only just loud enough for ilhoon to hear. “i’ll wake you up before our stop.”

 

 

 

 

“oh, hello! welcome home!” eunkwang greets them the second they walk through the front door. he’s dragging a suitcase along the ground, towards the stairs, and he still has sunglasses hanging from his neck.

“did you just get back?” hyunsik asks in his usual polite manner.

“yup,” eunkwang nods with a smile. “so, how was your date?” and then dead fucking silence. “oh, was that not— _sungjae-yah!_ ”

“wait, _wait_ —no, it was,” hyunsik admits it. “we just didn’t actually tell anybody else.”

“ah,” eunkwang appears relieved – he almost seems a bit afraid of hyunsik at times, despite being the head of the house. “well, it’s okay. minhyuk and i love budding romances.”

no shit. they’ve been hinting that they should get together for ages now, like two cupids or fairy godfathers hovering around them.

“eunkwang-ah, are you planning on bringing that suitcase up today?” minhyuk yells from upstairs, his tone clearly impatient.

“i’m chatting to hyunsikie and ilhoonie, minhyuk-ah!” eunkwang shouts back, and then the stairs creak as minhyuk comes down.

“sorry, i didn’t know that you had come home already,” he quietly laughs to himself. “did you two have fun today?”

“yeah,” hyunsik can’t help but smile, and he turns to ilhoon.

“goodness, look at how cute they are, eunkwang-ah,” minhyuk gushes as he nudges eunkwang in the arm.

“it’s taking me back, minhyuk-ah!”

hyunsik makes some convincing excuse to take ilhoon to his room because they both know that this will be the dinner topic for the next few weeks anyway. they’ll have plenty of time to discuss it.

 

 

 

 

“oh, sure,” ilhoon replies rather half-heartedly. his mom decided to call completely out of the blue and, if she had told him beforehand, perhaps he wouldn’t be using up the time he has for lunch with hyunsik. “what—today? um, i guess... about seven? okay, that’s fine. see you then—yeah, sure. bye.”

he slips his phone back into his pocket and looks across the table to hyunsik.

“apparently my mom is coming over tonight,” he sighs. “just for an hour or so. she made some bread and figured that she’d pay us all a visit.”

“i’d better be on my best behaviour then,” hyunsik smiles at him.

“you always are,” he laughs. he doesn’t recall hyunsik ever having been less than polite. “um—sunbae, could we be a bit careful around her? she doesn’t exactly know about us.”

“of course.”

they have time to spare before ilhoon’s mom arrives. they have dinner with everybody and avoid talking too much about themselves, and then they lounge on the living room couch until she gets here. the doorbell rings and ilhoon checks that it’s her, and he unlocks the door.

“hi, mom,” he takes the bag she’s carrying from her and it’s way heavier than it looks. “uh—what’s in this?”

“oh, i bought you some more shower gel in case you run out,” she replies, nonchalantly. “and new pyjamas, and slippers.”

“mom, i don’t need— _thanks_ ,” he decides against being a brat about things today. he shuts the door and heads back towards the couch. “mom, this is my sunbae.”

hyunsik stands up and offers her his hand, exchanges formalities with the most outstanding manners and she’s probably wondering why her own son couldn’t be this perfect.

“i hope my ilhoon isn’t too much trouble,” she says to hyunsik, exactly as expected. “he won’t say anything but he needs somebody sometimes.”

“don’t worry, i’m taking care of him,” he flashes her a smile, and ilhoon knows that just seeing it makes anyone believe him.

“thank you,” she’s definitely convinced. “and make sure that ilhoon shares his bread with you.”

he was already planning to but thanks anyway, mom.

they leave hyunsik in the living room to head upstairs. ilhoon pushes open the door to his room, and not that he predicted otherwise but sungjae is lying on his bed and holding his phone above his face. he looks over.

“uh... this is sungjae, my roommate,” ilhoon reluctantly introduces him.

and sungjae is surprisingly good when it comes to adults who aren’t eunkwang and minhyuk, it turns out. he actually gets up and shakes her hand.

“i’m going to see changsub,” he says, no formalities attached to his name but ilhoon’s mom hasn’t a clue that he’s being rude when she doesn’t even know who changsub is in the first place. “great meeting you!”

he disappears off and ilhoon suggests that they go and sit on his bed.

“i’m glad that things have been going well for you,” she pats him on the shoulder. “but a mom will never not worry, you know.”

“yeah,” he nods and he gets it, especially considering the kind of child that he was. “it’s really been okay though.”

she lets out a sigh of relief, and then she smiles, “that sunbae of yours is very nice, isn’t he?”

“yeah, he is,” he nods.

“and i know that it’s always been hard for you to make friends—”

“mom—”

“ilhoon, i’m just happy that you have somebody,” she almost looks upset, but the smile is still on her face and she pulls him close and hugs him like she used to (before he made the mistake of insisting that he’s an adult now and therefore needs to be left alone, to his own devices – no more running to mom).

and maybe one day ilhoon can tell her that that somebody isn’t a friend to the definition she’s thinking of, and perhaps she’ll be alright with that.

 

 

 

 

“i’ve been thinking,” hyunsik says as he and ilhoon are walking all the way to campus, his arm draped over ilhoon’s shoulder as it usually is. “why don’t you call me ‘hyung’ from now on? don’t you think that it’d be more fitting? i’d reckon that we’re close enough.”

“i mean, it’s not that we aren’t, but you’ve always been—i’ve never called you anything else,” ilhoon replies. hyunsik is ‘im-sunbae’ to almost everyone after all – ilhoon’s never even heard anybody refer to him as ‘hyung’ before.

“true, but i want you to be different,” hyunsik pauses for a moment, and then he gives ilhoon’s shoulder a squeeze. “i won’t let anybody else be as special as you.”

“okay,” he smiles at him, at those words, and he’ll try to remember.

they stop at a convenience store since they have time to kill. ilhoon follows hyunsik right to the candy and he’s faced with a difficult decision.

“grape or peach?” hyunsik asks as he holds up two bags of ilhoon’s favourite gummies. “or both?”

“um—”

“i’ll get you both,” he chooses for him and this isn’t a money thing between them, not when they’re still both students and neither of them are loaded anyway, but as long as hyunsik’s willing ilhoon’s accepting. besides, isn’t it rude to deny such offers? “i’ll go and pay. want anything else?”

ilhoon shakes his head and hyunsik heads to the back of the queue waiting for the cashier. it’s rarely this busy here, as far as ilhoon recalls, but it must be one of those days. he takes a walk around the store while hyunsik stands in line, passes toiletries and stops at the shelf of sexual health products – condoms, pills, all of that. he scans the labels although he can’t seem to tell the difference from one brand to another. some boxes are labelled as flavoured, others extra light, even ribbed. he’s never even dared to give them a real look before.

“should i get some?” hyunsik stops by his side and he hadn’t even noticed him coming.

“i was just looking,” he replies.

“well, we can be prepared,” hyunsik reaches out and takes a box. “has this been on your mind?”

ilhoon lowers his eyes from hyunsik’s face, “maybe.”

“you can tell me when you’re ready,” he says rather quietly because they both probably realise that having this conversation here of all places wasn’t the best idea.

“sunbae... actually, today, i want to—”

“i told you to call me ‘hyung’,” hyunsik smiles, and he gives ilhoon a pat on the head. he picks out a bottle and heads for the cashier for the second time.

was that somehow the least embarrassing sex talk ever? possibly.

 

 

 

 

hyunsik takes ilhoon back home once they’ve had lunch, up to his room and nobody else seems to be home. (and when a bunch of other students had asked hyunsik where he was headed, he casually told them that they were leaving for a study session. one-to-one, of course.)

“are you sure about missing your afternoon class?” hyunsik asks, pulling ilhoon onto his lap and he holds onto his thighs.

“you can teach me instead,” ilhoon rests his arms on hyunsik’s shoulders, and he closes his eyes when hyunsik tilts his head up for a kiss.

they fuck for the first time right there on hyunsik’s bed, in the middle of the day when no one else is around to hear them. ilhoon blushes harder as his own voice echoes against the walls, the sound of the headboard hitting the one behind them in between as he clings to hyunsik tighter. he wraps his thighs around hyunsik’s waist and he just lets him release all that pent-up desire he’s been holding in from the moment he realised that he wanted ilhoon to be his.

and ilhoon almost cries when he can’t take any more, is so breathless as he buries his face into hyunsik’s shoulder, and nothing has ever felt quite like this.

“ilhoon-ah,” hyunsik murmurs once he has the strength to lift himself up off of ilhoon, and he notices him rubbing his eyes. “i’m sorry, did i hurt you?”

“no... no, i’m okay,” he shakes his head.

“are you sure?” hyunsik double checks.

“hyung,” ilhoon smiles at him and, hearing that, so does he. “i’m really fine.”

then hyunsik holds ilhoon close again and they just stay like that, only for a bit longer, perhaps until they hear the front door open and they have to be reminded that this isn’t their own little world. but for now, ilhoon shuts his eyes and he hugs hyunsik tight.

 

 

 

 

ilhoon’s in the bathroom brushing his teeth when hyunsik wanders in and leans against the wall – very smooth. he’s only half-dressed for the day unless he intends on walking around campus in sweatpants which ilhoon highly doubts. (it’d be dangerous anyway. those things reveal too much for his liking, or a good amount but nobody else needs to see.)

“morning, ilhoon-ah,” hyunsik says, and ilhoon gives him a garbled response before rinsing out his mouth. it makes hyunsik laugh and he takes a few steps forwards to hug ilhoon from behind. “could i come to your last class this afternoon?”

“hm? why?” he asks, and he feels hyunsik rest his chin on his shoulder.

“i don’t have anything else to do.”

fair enough. ilhoon isn’t complaining when he still gets that smug sense of satisfaction whenever hyunsik chooses him over anybody else. they’ll sit together in the lecture hall and it’ll all be fine and dandy.

they head down for breakfast once they’re both dressed. only sungjae is sitting at the counter right now as eunkwang prepares green onion for his egg soup and minhyuk pushes rice into animal-shaped moulds. they say that they’ll be done soon.

“jeez, i feel like a total loner around all of you guys,” sungjae sighs when ilhoon takes a seat. “i guess i need to get out there and find somebody too.”

“nonsense, sungjae-yah,” minhyuk replies from his little work station. “it takes time, i know, but it has to happen naturally.”

“yeah, but i’m so jealous,” sungjae groans. “i want to experience true love too.”

well, at least he thinks that highly of their relationship. peniel walks in a few minutes later and he’s clearly still asleep on the inside.

“yo, peniel!” sungjae almost shouts and, while it certainly doesn’t wake peniel up, everybody else feels it for sure.

“ _sungjae speaks english?_ ” hyunsik asks, under his breath.

and ilhoon whispers back, “ _no._ ”

“hey, you wanna go out with me?” sungjae grins at peniel.

“um,” he actually takes a short moment to consider it. “not really.”

“better luck next time, sungjae-yah!” eunkwang joins in from nowhere, and this is just another typical breakfast at this house. honestly.

 

 

 

 

there’s a tap on ilhoon’s shoulder as he’s walking to his next class and he turns to find nobody behind him. he turns back around and walks straight into hyunsik (who hugs him, of course).

“good timing, huh?” he says, and everybody passing them by looks on.

they enter the lecture hall and hyunsik sits at the very end, jokes that it’s a better spot to fall asleep at if it should come to that. a few eager students greet him and they ask why he’s here.

“thought i’d keep my ilhoon company,” he says, so casually, and they seem slightly confused – they probably think that he’s trying to be funny.

to be frank, ilhoon doesn’t think that they even knew that was his name.

the class begins and ilhoon takes notes with one hand as hyunsik holds the other in secret, under the desk where nobody else can see. and it’s sweeter than sweet having him here with him but nothing being taught right now is really getting into ilhoon’s brain. not a problem though, he’s sure that hyunsik can help him out later anyway.

 

 

 

 

hyunsik easily gets hungry throughout the day, ilhoon has found, he needs that little extra to keep him going. they’re sitting in his dad’s office one afternoon and he’s eating banana chips, says they make a good energy boost and he has to get his five a day.

“how was your morning?” he asks once he’s finished crunching.

“boring,” (obviously.) “i got a ninety on my quiz though.”

“great job, ilhoon-ah,” hyunsik grins so brightly, and he’s definitely proud.

he picks out a chip from the bag and holds it in front of ilhoon’s mouth, and he opens it almost automatically although he had refused to take any when he was offered the bag only minutes ago. (well, he didn’t want to be greedy.) it has hyunsik laugh to himself.

“what a good boy,” he jokes, reaching out to pat ilhoon on the head like he’s his own little puppy. he probably follows hyunsik around enough to be mistaken for one.

“hyung, what do you want to do tonight?” he asks rather earnestly, and hyunsik feeds him another chip before answering.

“do you have homework?” he asks back. ilhoon shakes his head. “nice, maybe we could go somewhere.”

they don’t. of course they don’t, not when their favourite pastime is just sitting in hyunsik’s room and fooling around here and there. casual conversations end in kisses and kisses end with ilhoon on hyunsik’s lap, right where he should be (and would be all the time if they could have their way).

hyunsik pauses completely when his stomach rumbles, “must be due for my late night snack.”

but by ‘late night snack’, what hyunsik tends to mean is a whole second dinner. he fires up the stove to boil a saucepan of water while ilhoon sits on the countertop and watches. he pours in the soup powder, drops in the block of ramen and pushes it down with his chopsticks.

“do you want any?” he asks ilhoon, placing one hand on his knee. “i can make more.”

“i’m okay,” he replies.

hyunsik carries his bowl as they head back up to his room, is careful not to spill the soup on the stairs, and they sit opposite each other on the rug in the middle of the floor. hyunsik has a little table that he sometimes uses on his bed but, just to be safe, they’re staying down here where the bowl shouldn’t slide around.

“what time are you getting up tomorrow?” he asks, blowing the steam away from the noodles between his chopsticks.

“around ten?” ilhoon supposes.

“oh, that isn’t too bad,” he says – he’s the type of person who would never wake up before noon if he had a choice – and he stuffs his mouth.

ilhoon just watches him eat, silently when he has nothing more to say, and he gives hyunsik a small smile when he looks back up at him.

“do you want some?” he asks and ilhoon shakes his head.

he already said no and he doesn’t intend to be annoying, but ramen suddenly seems so much more appealing when it’s right there in front of him and it smells like this. he still can’t help but stare.

“here,” hyunsik stifles a laugh, and he lifts up some noodles towards ilhoon. “you have a thing for eating my food, don’t you? i won’t ask next time, i’ll just feed you.”

well, ilhoon’s never claimed to be the decisive type. he ends up eating about half of hyunsik’s ramen and then they’re back in the kitchen making more. peniel wanders in at one point to grab a drink and leaves without a single word as if he had interrupted something.

 

 

 

 

“happy weekend, everybody!” eunkwang almost cheers when ilhoon finally comes downstairs, and today they’re all sitting around the living room watching baseball.

and, well, he can’t say that he knows a whole lot about the sport or has much interest in joining them, but he actually rather likes it when they’re together like this, like a big and bizarre family. he sits in the space on the couch that hyunsik had reserved for him, and this is way too cozy for his taste but the way hyunsik wraps his arm around him so naturally makes him want to stay.

“are you two not going out today?” minhyuk asks from the other end.

“no, we thought that we’d just stay in,” hyunsik replies, looking over.

“wanted to spend some time with us?” eunkwang joins in. “i’m touched, hyunsikie.”

they’re almost always in a world of their own, you see, whether they’re in or out of the house. it would’ve been easy to hide away upstairs like they usually do, but they’ve still got an entire night ahead of them for some one-on-one time.

“since we’re all going to be here, shall we order in tonight?” eunkwang asks everybody. “i was thinking pizza, so how about it?”

“sounds good, but hold the peppers,” sungjae grins.

and changsub’s clearly in a confrontational kind of mood, “how can you not eat peppers?”

eunkwang’s already clenching his teeth together into that here-we-go-yet-again half-smile he does whenever those two start with each other. the only thing he did was ask a simple question.

“are you serious right now? peppers are disgusting,” sungjae scoffs back.

“okay, i could’ve handled it if you were at least respectful about them, but they are _not_ disgusting,” changsub glares at him, and they all know where this is heading. “olives on the other hand—”

“you couldn’t be more wrong.”

so much for a happy family bonding session.

 

 

 

 

ilhoon’s lying in his bed, completely awake in the darkness even though sungjae is oddly quiet tonight, when an idea pops into his mind. he considers it for a moment, and then he picks up his phone.

 **[01:25] ilhoon:** hyung~♡

 **[01:26] ilhoon:** are you awake?

 **[01:26] hyunsik:** ^^

 **[01:27] hyunsik:** wanna come over?

perfect. ilhoon creeps out of the room, silently crosses the hallway and pushes open hyunsik’s door. he’s already got the lamp on his bedside table switched on and he’s half-sitting, half-lying down with his head against his propped up pillow.

“couldn’t sleep?” he asks once ilhoon’s shut the door behind him.

“yeah,” he nods as he nears the bed. “sungjae’s snoring _so_ loudly.”

“he was? i couldn’t hear him,” hyunsik says and then he notices the sly kind of smile on ilhoon’s face. “you don’t need to make excuses with me.”

“sorry, i just wanted to see you,” he admits.

“no, that’s alright. i’ve always got room for you,” hyunsik says although he has a single bed and that speaks for itself, but ilhoon doesn’t take up that much space anyway. “come on, climb in.”

he pulls back the covers and shuffles over a bit, but ilhoon takes it upon himself to casually straddle him instead. hyunsik’s comfortable to sit on, you know.

“if you’re horny or something, you can just tell me,” he narrows his eyes at ilhoon, and he flushes from his gaze.

(at least it’s most likely too dim for hyunsik to notice, but as if he even needs to see the colour of ilhoon’s face when he can probably tell when he’s the tiniest bit flustered at this point. even from the start he was far better at reading him than most people are.)

“ _hyung._ ” ilhoon bites down on his bottom lip to conceal his smile.

“i’m sensing a pattern here,” hyunsik cocks an eyebrow. “okay, how about... you lie down if you just want to sleep, and you stay right there if that was a yes and you have something else in mind.”

ilhoon doesn’t budge at all.

“then what should we do about that, hm?” hyunsik takes both of his hands and he holds onto his fingers. “i might fall asleep before i find out.”

“kiss,” ilhoon suggests and that’s a lot tamer than he could have been if he had the guts, but he’s sure one thing will lead to another anyway. “we could kiss.”

“okay,” hyunsik lets go so he can push himself upright, then he rests his hands at ilhoon’s hips. he looks up at him, lowers his eyes again as he leans in, and he’s smiling the entire time their lips are pressed together, even when he’s opening his mouth wider – ilhoon knows because he can feel it. he still wants more when hyunsik pulls away. “now, do i get to choose what’s next?”

ilhoon nods, of course. there’s nothing better than hyunsik picking up on his signals and taking the initiative so he doesn’t have to ask anymore.

“keep as quiet as you can, alright?” hyunsik reaches up and he slowly drags his hand down the back of ilhoon’s hair. he kisses him on the cheek, and he tugs at the waistband of his own pants. “we’ll be in big trouble if we wake everybody up.”

 

 

 

 

“and here i thought that you were my roommate,” sungjae grins when he coincidentally walks out into the hallway at the same time as ilhoon. (just his luck.) “spent the night with im-sunbae, huh? had a little sleepover, did you?”

“don’t be so nosy, sungjae,” ilhoon speeds up to beat him to the bathroom.

“hey!” and too bad that sungjae’s legs are far longer than his. “has he already left?”

“yeah, he had a class at nine,” he replies without turning around.

“romantic.”

“what?” he stops this time.

“that’s romantic,” sungjae says, too seriously, and then he begins the dramatics. “a classic scenario after a passionate night, being left to sleep in your lover’s bed as he leaves for work in the morning—”

“do you have to put it like that? it sounds so fucking embarrassing,” ilhoon shuts the bathroom door in sungjae’s face and he locks it. of course, sungjae being sungjae, he protests for a good minute before there’s a loud sigh and footsteps stomping away. problem gone.

 

 

 

 

“they moved your class to a different building today? that’s unusual,” hyunsik says through the speaker pressed up against ilhoon’s ear as he’s heading through the doors.

“yeah, but i’m on my way,” he replies, taking a quick look around to recall which direction to go.

“okay, i’ll be waiting outside,” hyunsik pauses for a moment. “do you want to get something to eat before we go home?”

“i’m not that hungry yet, but if you are...”

“don’t worry about me, i’ll grab a snack if i need to,” he assures him.

“hyung—oh, i think i see you?” ilhoon spots a tiny figure in the distance wearing what he thinks is hyunsik’s outfit for the day – a red sweater and black jacket on top. it waves at him and he waves back. “okay, i’m coming.”

ilhoon hangs up and drops his phone into his pocket. he quickens his pace to avoid keeping hyunsik waiting any longer, does a bit of a power walk across campus even if it’s ordinarily slightly embarrassing. he can just about see his face now, not far left to go but—one misstep on a crack in the pavement and he’s suddenly landing on the ground, a sharp pain running through his ankle and so much for only being a little embarrassing.

“ _ilhoon-ah!_ ” he looks up to hyunsik already steps away, and he crouches down in front of him once he’s close enough. “are you hurt?”

“kind of— _ah_ —” he winces when he tries to stand back up again, and hyunsik grabs hold of him.

“you’d better not walk like that,” hyunsik turns around, arms behind him and ready. “get on, i’ll carry you.”

“um—it’s fine—”

“well, you’re definitely not crawling home, and you’re definitely not heavy either,” he gives ilhoon a smile over his shoulder. “come on, hyung isn’t strong for nothing.”

and, completely in character, ilhoon gives in to him after the initial hesitation. he lets him haul him up off the ground, and he wraps his arms around him even if everybody’s watching them. he hears someone say ‘im-sunbae’ as they set off home, and all he thinks to himself is ‘that’s right’.

“what’s up with us and refusing to admit that we’re hurt,” hyunsik quietly laughs as he hoists ilhoon up higher. “i guess we just hate to worry each other, huh? but at the same time, i don’t want you to feel that... that you can’t call for help, or need me.”

“i don’t want to be like that though,” ilhoon mumbles almost under his breath, but still loud enough to hear. “making you chase after me, watch over me, any of that. i just—i really hate being needy.”

“it’s okay if i want to do that for you, though. and, for the record, i don’t think you’re very needy at all,” hyunsik replies, and something about the way he’s speaking seems so gentle. “i’m here for you because i want to be, but that doesn’t mean you’re dependent on me, does it?” he asks, and perhaps he’s making sense. “sure, doing things on your own is cool, but feeling so safe around another person that you’re willing to share even a piece of yourself with them... i think that takes a lot and, i don’t know, i think it’s beautiful.”

“you’re being sentimental,” is all that ilhoon can say.

“is that a bad thing?” hyunsik laughs louder this time, and ilhoon just presses his face into hyunsik’s neck and closes his eyes. “you’re smiling.”

he even knows that much from the feel of ilhoon’s mouth against his skin.

 

 

 

 

it’s starting to get dark when they reach their street, but all in all they make it home without much issue – hyunsik reckons that carrying ilhoon is a piece of cake, even while going up the stairs to his room. ilhoon lies in his bed, his leg comfortably resting on top of a pillow although it doesn’t seem to hurt anymore, and hyunsik’s sitting on the edge.

“hyung,” ilhoon reaches out for his hand, is the first to make a move tonight, and he’s had things playing on his mind since they had left campus. “thank you for liking me.”

“hm?” hyunsik stares at him for a moment, and he holds onto him back. “i don’t think that’s something i should be thanked for.”

“no, but—until i came here, nobody had ever looked at me twice, and then you—well, all of you _cared_ ,” ilhoon almost splutters, but he’s finally getting this off of his chest. hyunsik moves closer and he tightens his grip just a bit.

“those times when i’d ask if you wanted any company... you felt lonely then, didn't you,” he says, not quite asks. his eyes lower for a second, then focus on ilhoon’s face again. “back when we weren’t very close, i mean.”

“yeah,” it kind of hurts to admit. “i did sometimes, but i still... i just didn’t want to bother you.”

“so you told me you were okay when—”

“i wanted to say yes,” ilhoon stays looking back at hyunsik, but when his eyes start to get that old stinging feeling, he starts to blink over and over to try and stop it.

“i’m so sorry, ilhoon-ah,” hyunsik shakes his head to himself even though he’s done the most anybody ever has.

“it’s not your fault,” ilhoon sits upright, and his throat is drying up so fast that it takes more effort that it should to continue. “you were always surrounded by so many people who love you.”

“but i don’t love any of them like i love you,” hyunsik finally smiles and, although it’s the tiniest one ilhoon’s seen so far, it makes everything feel alright.

“hyung,” he smiles back. “don’t make me cry.”

his eyes well up, cloud his vision a little, but he knows how to control that anyway. he looks up to the ceiling and blinks it all away. then he swallows down hard, tries to make it easier to speak again like he’s done a hundred times before, and he reminds himself to breathe. hyunsik’s still there. it’s okay.

“i guess that i haven’t been too open about myself, even with you,” ilhoon says, rather regretful. “maybe i could start right now.”

“i’m listening,” hyunsik replies, and he hasn’t let go yet. ilhoon shuts his eyes to think this through first of all, what to tell him and how.

“it’s true that i’ve spent a lot of time alone, but it’s not that i like it but rather that i grew used to it,” he starts and he quietly sighs to himself, remembers how life has been to him and all the bitter details. “i’ve always felt like a nuisance. i never really had friends at school, was never popular or anything. i guess people knew who i was, but that was it. and everybody said things would change in college, but for a while they just didn’t, like my purpose in life was to be picked last, to be assigned partners and groups because i was nobody’s first, second, or hundredth option. that’s what it felt like,” he stops to look up at hyunsik again, and knowing that he’s listening is enough to make him go on. “but then you... you actually wanted to be around me, would walk away from people who openly cared about you for me, somebody who couldn’t even say yes to you,” and he almost lets out a small laugh, as inappropriate as it is but it’s always been a habit when nerves have taken over him. “i thought that you felt sorry for me.”

“no,” hyunsik denies it so calmly. he rests his free hand on ilhoon’s lap, and he still seems like the kindest person ever even when he isn’t smiling anymore. “the first time we met, you barely looked at me. whenever i saw you around campus, you’d pretend that you hadn’t noticed, right? i guess it was more that... i wanted you to open up to me for some reason. maybe that’s selfish, that i wanted you to look at me, talk to me because you wanted to, not just to be polite. i really wanted to know you.”

“why?” ilhoon asks, because never has anybody had a reason to until he came here.

“i don’t know. i thought you were cute,” hyunsik supposes, and he seems slightly embarrassed to admit it.

“i’m not anymore?” ilhoon smirks at him – his heart is no longer heavy after all.

“i didn’t say that,” he grins back and it makes ilhoon look away for a second, try to hide even though he rarely does that now. hyunsik still knows how to make him blush, make him all timid again – perhaps he always will and that’s fine by him. “but honestly, there was that, sure, but something about you just pulled me in.”

“wanted to do the chasing for once?” ilhoon suggests without too much thought.

and hyunsik continues smiling, “maybe.”

“well, thank you,” ilhoon says again, and he means it just as much. “hyung, i’m glad that we could talk.”

“that’s what i’m here for,” hyunsik lightly pats his thigh.

“and hugs,” he adds, and he waits for hyunsik to give him a nice, big one – closer than close and perfectly warm.

“and kisses?” hyunsik asks, hopeful.

“absolutely,” ilhoon nods. he leans in a bit as hyunsik pushes his bangs aside, and he presses a kiss to his forehead, then another to his cheek.

“talk to me like this whenever you need to, alright?” hyunsik lifts up his pinky and he isn’t joking around. “don’t hold it in when you’re with me.”

ilhoon links his finger with his, and he promises that he’ll try his best to from now on – all for himself and a boy named im hyunsik.

 

 

 

 

“i won’t be able to walk home with you today,” hyunsik says over lunch, a frown on his face as he sets down his fork onto his empty plate. “last minute meeting this evening, i’m sorry.”

“it’s alright,” ilhoon gives him a smile and he hates that he’s always feeling bad about tiny things he can’t help.

“i think i’ll be back between six and seven,” he starts putting his jacket back on and he stands up. “you can go in my room if you want.”

ilhoon gets up as well, “okay, i’ll see you then.”

“let me walk you to your class first,” hyunsik offers him his arm, and he doesn’t quite mind being spotted holding onto it anymore (unless hyunsik’s dad happens to be around, but he never really is). they toss their trash into the bin by the door and head for the music department.

“hyung, make sure to be in time for dinner,” ilhoon says once they’re at his classroom.

“i will,” hyunsik starts to leave. “make sure to text me when you get home.”

he will. he pushes open the door to the room and finds a seat at the back, off to the side where he can keep to his own space and draw little attention to himself. it’s music theory this afternoon – not his most favourite, but he somehow stays awake.

it’s looking rather bleak outside when it’s time to go. the sky has turned a dull grey and there are clouds gathering together, and perhaps any oncoming rain will have the decency to wait until ilhoon’s home since his unprepared self doesn’t have a hood on his jacket nevermind an umbrella.

no chance. it begins to pour about ten minutes into the walk and ilhoon just wants to know what exactly god has against him. he speeds up a little – only enough that his chest won’t start heaving since he isn’t known for being in the best shape – and he holds his hands over his head as the rain falls between his fingers.

when he finally arrives, he’s damp all over and his hair is nothing short of a soggy mess. (in other words, a total nightmare.) he decides to shower as soon as he gets upstairs, rid the scent of rain and the clothes sticking to his skin.

and then he walks into hyunsik’s room, shuts the door behind him and takes the hoodie left at the end of his bed. he pulls it over his head, and he lies down. the smell of hyunsik is relentlessly warm and familiar, like he’s here right now and holding ilhoon close when he’s really a few miles away, but still he doesn’t feel so great with this headache starting to take over. his eyes fall shut but he doesn’t sleep for a second.

his mind stays blank – thinking feels too heavy of a challenge – and he barely moves until he hears the sound of the door unlatching and hyunsik stepping inside. ilhoon sits up although it takes some effort, and he only feels a little better when he sees hyunsik’s face.

“sorry, did i wake you up?” he asks, coming closer.

ilhoon shakes his head, “no, i wasn’t asleep.”

“are you alright?” hyunsik sits down beside him and he already seems somewhat concerned.

“my head’s kind of been hurting since i got home.”

“did you get caught by the rain earlier?”

“um... yeah, i guess so,” ilhoon mumbles because he knows hyunsik’s going to worry and he hates to be the cause of it. (it’s probably him every single time though.)

he keeps still when hyunsik reaches out and places his hand on his forehead, takes a few seconds to register his temperature before comparing it to his own.

“you do feel quite hot,” he frowns a bit. “are you hungry? dinner’s almost ready so maybe that’ll help.”

it doesn’t really, but ilhoon eats as much as he can stomach and tries to head off to bed earlier than usual. he takes a painkiller before hitting his pillow, and he’s out cold before he knows it.

 

 

 

 

it isn’t every day that ilhoon wakes up in a cold sweat, but today isn’t exactly an ordinary one when that headache is still pounding and his nose is so blocked that he can barely breathe out of it right now. (not to mention that his throat seems all closed up and drier than a desert – as if he needs another reason to keep his mouth shut.) he sits up almost urgently, and this disoriented feeling doesn’t seem to want to leave him alone as his head continues to spin. he barely notices that hyunsik’s sitting over on sungjae’s otherwise empty bed until he starts to get up.

“this week isn’t treating you too well, huh?” he says. he crouches down beside ilhoon’s bed and gives his hand a light pat. “it’s okay, i’m here.”

it takes a short moment for ilhoon to think properly, or at all, and actually respond although it feels like hell to even speak, “uh... hyung, don’t you have class?”

“i can’t just leave you here by yourself,” hyunsik replies, tilting his head. “i told your mom that i’m taking care of you, didn’t i? i have to keep my word.”

“oh—it’s fine. you don’t have to,” ilhoon forces a slight smile and it feels like he’s burning up at the same time, as if the heating in this room is on for once. (sungjae’s picky in the worst ways, you know.)

“i’ve already called in sick, ilhoon-ah. let me look after you,” hyunsik smiles back at him. “i’ll go and get some breakfast for you.”

he gets up and heads for the door, and he disappears off into the sound of footsteps going down the stairs. ilhoon reaches over for his phone on the bedside table and checks it although he rarely wakes up to any messages. today is no different.

it’s just a few minutes later when hyunsik returns – not that ilhoon’s perception of time is fully intact – and he’s here with a tray with a bowl and a mug on top. he moves ilhoon’s phone to the edge of the table and sets down the tray.

“we have porridge today,” he says, and ilhoon takes a look. there’s a swirl of honey sinking into the bowl, a sweet touch. “i got you some tea as well. it’ll help clear things up.”

“thanks,” ilhoon takes the spoon and stirs the honey into the porridge, lets the steam hit his face and unclog his nose a little. “have you already eaten?”

“yeah,” hyunsik nods. “you were sleeping like a baby earlier.”

“wish i still was. being awake is pretty painful right now,” ilhoon sighs to himself, and he tries to swallow down the phlegm stuck in his throat. it’s stubborn and feels disgusting.

“take some of those pills once you’ve finished eating,” hyunsik points to the small box also on the tray. “you’ll be better in no time.”

it seems possible. ilhoon’s already feeling way more alive than he probably would’ve if he was left on his own to wallow in his misery. he’s almost happy.

“are you missing a lot today?”

“just more theory,” ilhoon guesses but, frankly, he doesn’t quite remember what day it even is.

“i’ll get you caught up once you’re well again,” hyunsik assures him, and then he glances at the tray. “are you not hungry?”

“oh—sorry, my mind is miles away right now.”

“it’s alright. want me to feed you?” hyunsik smiles and he reaches for the bowl. “i know that’s the best way to get some food into you.”

and as much as ilhoon’s insisted that he’s no longer a kid, he wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to be coddled on a sick day when it’s right there in front of him, especially by hyunsik. in fact, he rather enjoys keeping him here by his side.

hyunsik blows at spoonfuls of porridge to cool it down, and ilhoon eats it up without a fuss. it doesn’t taste the best when his sense of smell is barely functioning, that he’ll admit, but the honey makes it sweet enough to finish the entire bowl. (granted, it wasn’t exactly a huge one in the first place.) hyunsik’s got ilhoon believing with some confidence that he’ll be back to his usual self in an instant.

 

 

 

 

after his late morning lecture has finished on his first day of class since recovering, ilhoon waits around for hyunsik to come and meet him. back against the wall, arms folded, and his eyes lowered to the ground so that he doesn’t even notice when a guy—a classmate?—approaches him.

“uh... hi,” he says, hesitantly and no wonder when he’s never spoken to ilhoon in his life. “you know im-sunbae, right?”

he should’ve seen this coming, but he replies, “yeah.”

“um, well, my friend wanted me to ask if you know whether he’s seeing anybody at the moment,” the guy continues and, while ilhoon would love the entire universe to recognise that the one and only im hyunsik is unavailable due to him, he’s rather glad that they apparently pass for best buddies or something like that. the world is still the same, after all.

“oh—yeah, he is,” he casually responds.

“ah, really?”

“mhm,” he nods, and he tries not to smile. “he’s in a relationship, actually.”

and right on cue, there’s a light tap on ilhoon’s shoulder and hyunsik is here.

“ilhoon-ah,” he says when ilhoon turns to him, and then he leans a little to the side. “hey, is this a friend?”

as if hyunsik should be so hopeful about ilhoon’s social life, but he clarifies anyway, “oh, he was just asking about—”

“the homework. sorry, thanks for your help.”

“well, you could ask me any other questions that you have,” hyunsik genuinely suggests, checking his watch straight after. “but we have a little study session to get to right now.”

“it’s alright, i was just leaving,” the guy replies, and he heads off down the hallway.

there’s ilhoon’s classmate interaction quota fulfilled for the week. he and hyunsik leave for his dad’s office upstairs – he’s off today and they can always make use of it in his absence.

“he was asking about you, you know,” ilhoon tells hyunsik as they’re sitting down inside.

“was he seriously?” he asks, almost confused.

“yeah, a friend wanted to know if you’re single.”

“and did you tell him absolutely not?”

“something along those lines,” ilhoon smirks like hyunsik’s going to be proud of him for that. (although it truthfully never takes much anyway.)

“good,” hyunsik reaches out and pets his hair. (see.) “and if anybody else is curious about me, tell them that they ought to come and ask me themselves. i don’t want people thinking that they can bother you.”

“hyung, don’t worry about it,” ilhoon smiles at him, even if he doesn’t quite enjoy that the most appealing thing about him to his classmates is that he’s the boy im-sunbae is close to. he doesn’t actually care that much about any of them. “but thank you.”

“now, about that extra lesson,” hyunsik moves in closer, places his hand on ilhoon’s thigh and gives him a tiny squeeze. “where shall we begin?”

ilhoon kisses him first this time, just chastely so that hyunsik will take it from there until lips are swollen and zippers are down, and it’s hotter than it ever should be in here. remembering that they’re in the office puts ilhoon on edge, and whenever hyunsik’s lips touch his skin, he could melt completely.

“um, what—what would your dad think if he knew about this—” ilhoon half-breathes out as hyunsik’s fingertips press into his hips.

“hm?” hyunsik drags ilhoon towards him, and he tugs at his jeans. “well, i doubt that he’d be very impressed, but who’s going to tell him?” he grins as he pushes ilhoon’s hair back. “not me.”

“i won’t either,” ilhoon leans up to kiss him and they rarely pull apart again after that. (except when there’s a knock at the door – probably a student after some help – and hyunsik lets them walk away because he’s got something far more important to deal with first.)

 

 

 

 

“ilhoon-ah, do you want to come on that trip at the end of the month?” hyunsik wanders into ilhoon’s room with damp hair and a towel hanging from his neck. sungjae left some time ago and ilhoon’s been too lazy to even get out of bed – it’s the weekend, of course. “the one to busan.”

“um—i guess, but i don’t really know if i can afford it. i’d have to ask my mom,” ilhoon lowers his head as hyunsik comes nearer because he hates to be so reliant on anybody but himself, but there’s little else that he can do other than not go at all.

hyunsik takes a seat on the bed and avoids sitting on ilhoon’s legs, “it’s okay, we’ll share a room so i’ll take care of it.”

“that wouldn’t be fair,” ilhoon mumbles.

“well, think of it as a gift for last year’s birthday then,” hyunsik smiles at him. they barely knew each other back then and, although ilhoon doesn’t believe that hyunsik owes him anything, the sentiment is rather sweet. “seriously, don’t worry about it. if i’m being honest, i just want to go on a trip with you without everybody in the house getting funny ideas.”

“about what we get up to when we’re alone?” ilhoon lets out a quiet laugh as he recalls eunkwang and minhyuk’s cute daydreams of romance, then sungjae’s lewd comments and drama references.

and hyunsik smirks at him, “even if it’s all true.”

“i’ll come then,” he decides (even if he already had in his mind – he just didn’t want to be truly selfish). “but i’ll at least pay for the train. and the concert.”

“the orchestra?” hyunsik asks, and he finds ilhoon’s hand from under the covers. “you know, we don’t have to go. unless you want to.”

“i actually don’t,” ilhoon admits (but any place would be fine as long as he’s with hyunsik).

“let’s go somewhere else while everybody’s there then,” hyunsik tightens his grip before letting go. “just us.”

“yeah,” ilhoon nods, his heart beating fast like it always still does when it’s the two of them and nothing in between. “i’d love that.”

 

 

 

 

as much as hyunsik is a boyfriend, he’s also still ilhoon’s voluntary tutor, or whatever the most appropriate title is. he’s playing the keyboard in one of the small soundproof rooms in the music department, testing ilhoon’s ears by playing short pieces of music then having him identify specific features as he requests.

“what did you notice about the structure?” he asks this time.

“it was based on harmonic sequences,” ilhoon thinks, nearly nervous although hyunsik never really reacts when he gets it wrong. he just wants him to know that he’s taking this seriously. “regular phrasing with the melody in the right hand.”

“that’s right,” hyunsik nods at him. “now, let’s finish with one more.”

he decides to play something colourful, full of emotion and probably the most complicated piece yet. ilhoon almost gets lost in it, feels it completely as the melody takes him away. hyunsik ends it slowly and gives ilhoon a chance to think about it.

“was that baroque, classical, romantic or twentieth century?” he then asks.

“classical,” ilhoon replies.

“why?”

“it... no—it was from the romantic era. it had rich chords and rubato,” he quickly changes his mind even if he’s already messed up now.

but hyunsik ruffles his hair anyway, “that was flawless, ilhoon-ah.”

“what? but i just made a mistake—”

“you corrected yourself though,” he smiles. “don’t be so hard on yourself. you knew the answer.”

and hyunsik’s a perfectionist to the definition, more so than ilhoon is, and if anybody should be trusted when it comes to music, it’s him. he might have the biggest soft spot for ilhoon, the tendency to sugarcoat things for him, but he’ll probably always know more than he ever will in his life – he’s been at it for years, raised on music, and it’s the biggest blessing to learn from him.

well, the biggest after being the one to hold his attention and knowing that he exists in the first place.

 

 

 

 

“hi, mom,” ilhoon says when she picks up after a few rings. “i’m going on a trip with the university next weekend, just in case you wonder where i’ve gone.”

“oh, is anybody you know going as well?” she asks.

“yeah, h—im-sunbae is,” he doesn’t quite feel ready enough to let her know just how close they are now.

“glad to hear that,” she almost sighs. “where are you headed?”

“busan. we’re supposed to go to the concert hall and check out the sights,” ilhoon replies and what he means by ‘supposed to’ is that they have no intention to whatsoever.

“sounds fun,” she says, sounds rather enthusiastic for someone like her. “have a good time, alright? tell me about it when you get back.”

“okay.”

“and make sure to take some photos for me,” she adds.

“i will.”

 

 

 

 

ilhoon packs his bag on the thursday and they set off after class the next evening, to the train station to meet up with everybody else. they arrive at the platform indicated on their tickets and most people are already waiting, a few greet hyunsik when they notice him but they don’t stick around for long. his dad eventually drifts from a crowd of students to say hello.

“there you are, hyunsik,” he reaches out and firmly pats hyunsik’s shoulder. “oh, this is your housemate, isn’t it?”

“yes, ilhoon,” hyunsik reminds him. ilhoon’s only spoken to him a couple of times before, and barely that when all he really did was nod at whatever hyunsik said about him. “he’s a great student, you know, dad.”

“you told me last time, hyunsik-ah,” he laughs to himself, and ilhoon doesn’t actually mind that he recalls their past encounters so clearly if it means that he’s worth remembering. besides, he’ll probably be seeing a lot of him in the future. “smart kid. does hyunsik push you too hard?”

ilhoon shakes his head and he’s truthful about it, “no.”

“i’m a good teacher, dad,” hyunsik insists.

“because you got it from me,” his dad smiles the same way he does – his eyes disappearing into perfect crescents and no resistance against flashing his teeth.

he wanders off again after that, stays clueless about everything going on between them but it’s for the better. even getting suspicions could be risky this soon, and ilhoon can’t stop himself from flushing any time he happens to remember the things he and hyunsik get up to behind closed doors (including that office).

they sit at the end of the carriage when the train arrives, ilhoon by the window and hyunsik by the aisle. this way, the only people who can see them are the ones to the side and those headed for the bathroom and, even so, ilhoon’s hand in hyunsik’s is barely in sight. it almost feels like freedom.

hyunsik doesn’t really mind ilhoon spending some time just staring out the window, watching everything pass them by, either. buildings in cities, open fields in the countryside – it’ll be almost eight when they reach busan. it’s already started to get dark.

hyunsik squeezes ilhoon’s hand a little and he turns to find him looking across the aisle, at the people sitting over there.

“could i kiss you?” he asks, and he quickly checks again. “they’re asleep.”

“you’re eager,” ilhoon smirks at him.

“when you’re this cute and right there, yes. i totally am,” he doesn’t deny it at all, doesn’t have an ounce of shame in him but that’s how ilhoon likes it.

“hurry then.”

hyunsik takes another look around first, presses his thumb to ilhoon’s lower lip afterwards and kisses him far less innocently than he had anticipated – no tongue, but ilhoon can feel the inside of hyunsik’s mouth. well, since he has the chance, why not? he peeks over his shoulder when he pulls away, and leans in again for a quick one that still leaves ilhoon almost breathless somehow. it must be the exhilaration, the risk of being caught.

“we’d better save the rest for the hotel.”

 

 

 

 

hyunsik unlocks the door to their room and they drop their bags on the luggage rack by the wall. there are two beds although they only intend to use one, a large window with a view, and a bathtub with a shower head and complimentary toiletries. hyunsik picks up a small bottle.

“we could take a bath together,” he says, turning to ilhoon. “then call up some room service, eat, and go to bed.”

without holding back, ilhoon smiles at him, “that sounds perfect.”

they run the water and let it bubble up the chamomile-scented gel provided by the hotel. hyunsik’s shirt is on the ground before ilhoon’s even got to his own, and he’s stepping into the tub while ilhoon’s still pulling off his socks.

“it’s just right,” hyunsik says, his arms on the edge. he motions towards the space in front of him with one hand, between where his legs should be. “come and sit here, ilhoon-ah.”

ilhoon is slow to lower himself into the water, and he leans back against hyunsik’s chest when his arms wrap around him. they’ve never done this before but something about it feels so natural, the way hyunsik holds him close, how he can just rest his head on hyunsik’s shoulder. hyunsik kissing him as if it isn’t already hot enough in here.

they pull apart before it gets too racy – they’ve still got another night for this.

“the tattoo on your back,” ilhoon suddenly mentions, having caught a glimpse of it as hyunsik was getting undressed. “i’ve been wondering for a long time if it means anything.”

“i love space. that’s it, really.”

“would you ever get another?”

“i love you as well, so maybe,” hyunsik replies with a kind of serenity in the way he’s smiling, a tenderness to it.

“we could get something together,” ilhoon blurts out as a rash suggestion, and he actually thinks about it afterwards. “i don’t have any ideas, but we could.”

“you wanna do that, ilhoon-ah?” hyunsik angles his head to get a better look at him. he nods with some certainty. “when we figure out what we want, we’ll go and get them.”

they pull on bathrobes once they’re done – soft and warm, they stop them from losing the heat of the water. then they climb into bed and cuddle up to each other, don’t leave even an inch between them and it isn’t so that they won’t fall off for once. it’s just because they want it like this. hyunsik picks up the phone on the table beside him and orders up some late dinner, and he turns back to ilhoon when he hangs up.

“will it always be like this someday,” ilhoon wonders out loud as he meets hyunsik’s gaze. “sharing a bed that’s big enough to fit us both comfortably, sleeping together every night, waking up to each other.”

“yeah,” hyunsik says, and he reaches for ilhoon’s hand. “we can make all of that happen.”

“that’s my dream right now, you know,” he admits, lowering his eyes for a moment before looking back up again. he smiles at hyunsik, leans into him a little.

“mine too,” he replies.

 

 

 

 

the hotel’s restaurant stops serving breakfast at ten and, since it’s up to the two of them today, they wake up way past that – at almost twelve which is pretty good considering their track records. some students had opted in for some sightseeing this morning but thank the lord that hyunsik’s dad didn’t try to drag them into it (well, hyunsik but that also tends to mean ilhoon too, like a two-for-one deal).

they find a place for lunch not too far away, a cute little café that surprisingly isn’t packed full. it’s so their style.

they order pasta and toasted sandwiches to share. ilhoon scoops some spaghetti onto his plate and twists his fork into it, takes it into his mouth and a few strands hang out.

“ilhoon-ah,” hyunsik calls out, and it makes him lift his head. hyunsik has his phone out and he turns it around to show ilhoon.

“hyung, i look awful,” he whines at the sight of his own face on the screen, his cheeks stuffed like a hamster and his eyes looking so clueless.

“you look perfect to me, but i’ll delete it if you hate it that much,” hyunsik kindly offers.

“i mean, it’s _okay_ , but the ones i take are way nicer.”

“well, i like when you send me those too,” he smiles, scrolling his phone for a second. “i made an album for them.”

ilhoon sits up taller, suddenly interested, “really?”

“yeah, so when i’m in class or waiting for you, i can still see you,” hyunsik holds out his phone again and it’s an impressive collection titled with a heart. they’re all of the photos ilhoon’s taken just for him.

“you should send me more,” ilhoon says, thinking about his own little album. “i’m always looking at the same ten photos of you.”

“i’ll do my best,” hyunsik quietly laughs to himself. “hyung needs a bit of practise first.”

“actually, my mom did say that she wants pictures,” ilhoon remembers, and he leans forwards. “take some for me and you can keep them all.”

“be your photographer?” hyunsik asks, seemingly into it.

ilhoon nods at him, “you know, i don’t mind if you want to be that all the time either, just as long as you let me get my angles.”

“how about right now?”

perfect. the mistakes of that last photo can be fixed and erased from ilhoon’s memory. he picks up his knife and fork, one in each hand, and holds them up. he tilts his head very slightly and he gives hyunsik a sweet smile – the one he uses when there’s a camera around.

“if your mom’s taste is anything like mine, she should love these,” hyunsik seems pleased with the results.

“let’s take some together too,” ilhoon suggests, not necessarily meaning right at this very moment but any time. “maybe not so much for her, but for us to keep.”

“as memories,” hyunsik adds, and that’s exactly what ilhoon was thinking.

 

 

 

 

the concert is this evening and hyunsik plans to take ilhoon on a nighttime stroll instead, a walk around the city since he’s been here before. they have dinner rather early at the hotel since it’s included in their stay and they leave at around the same time as everybody else.

“sunbae, are you coming with us?” a student asks as they’re heading for the doors.

“no, but i hope you’ll enjoy it,” he smiles so genuinely, and then they’re off in the opposite direction.

it isn’t so dark at this time of the day now. it’s deep into spring and no longer as chilly as it used to be, it feels pretty comfortable to be outdoors. ilhoon realises that they’re following the signs to the sea and there’s curiosity inside of him, but he doesn’t question hyunsik.

they arrive at the beach and it’s nearly empty compared to when the sun’s out, more and more people leaving as they get closer. hyunsik steps onto the sand and he turns back around to ilhoon, expects him to follow, and he does. neither of them say a thing. they simply stop and stare at what’s in front of them – gentle waves rolling on the surface and the sea is so vast that it’s humbling.

“the first time i came here, i was nineteen, like you,” hyunsik eventually says, his voice against the ripples of the water. “i stood right here just looking out to the ocean, and i was overwhelmed. i don’t really know why but i suddenly thought to myself that i’d like to return with somebody one day. somebody who means a lot to me. i imagined bringing them here, taking in this sight together, and that we’d feel so content for no reason at all,” his fingers unexpectedly brush against ilhoon’s wrist, but they don’t hold onto him. “i’ve been here every year since then, on this same trip and i’d always miss out on the concert to come back to this spot on my own. this is the first time i’ve brought somebody with me, and i feel... oddly fulfilled. i’m thinking to myself how glad i am that it’s you.”

and how is ilhoon supposed to respond so quickly to something this immense, as full of fondness as this. the moonlight is reflected in hyunsik’s eyes and it makes them glisten, like there’s some kind of magic at work here.

“is it strange when hyung acts like this, ilhoon-ah?” he asks, a subtle smile on his face that’s almost unnoticeable in this darkness.

“no,” ilhoon immediately shakes his head before hyunsik gets the wrong idea. “no, i like it, and i... i think that i feel the same way. overwhelmed, but at the same time a sense of happiness, i guess. maybe even peace.”

“it’s indescribable, isn’t it?”

“yeah,” ilhoon nods at hyunsik. “it is.”

“this used to be my favourite feeling in the world,” he says, looking straight ahead.

“used to be?”

“mm, but it’s only the second best now,” he turns to ilhoon again, and he reaches for the side of his face. “it loses to you.”

and if ilhoon is greater than the ocean to hyunsik, then he’s brighter than the sun and every other star in the sky to ilhoon. he’s never loved anybody like this before in his life.

“hyung,” he says as they’re about to leave. “i’m glad that it’s you too.”

 

 

 

 

they bathe together once more and ilhoon hasn’t a clue when they’ll be able to do this again. whenever they make it happen, he supposes. hyunsik’s hands are tempted tonight, slip between his thighs, and they take it to the bed soon enough. there’s more romance in the air than risk and that’s somewhat rare for them and their usual circumstances.

“look at me, ilhoon-ah,” hyunsik says, pushing the hair from ilhoon’s face. he dares to do as he requests, but just one glance at hyunsik staring right back at him makes his own eyes so shy. he hears hyunsik breathe out in the silence as he leans in closer. “it’s okay.”

and even if they’ve done this dozens of times before, there’ll always be that anticipation building up inside of ilhoon, the one that makes his heart erratic and his hands start to tremble. all it takes is a single touch from hyunsik to send his mind spinning in circles, just his lips on his skin to know that he means it whenever he says he’s worth it (and that in itself is so much to take in).

they go slowly to begin with, quiet conversation and skin-to-skin contact kept soft, even when hyunsik takes hold of ilhoon’s wrists and starts to kiss him harder. he’s never particularly forceful when it comes to this, not unless ilhoon requests so and he’s happy enough as is for now. he clings onto hyunsik’s shoulders once his hands are free again and hyunsik’s are blindly grabbing at the back of his bare thighs, pushing them up and further apart, and they both know how the night is going to end.

(in breathlessness and exhaustion for certain, but ilhoon also knows that he’ll be endlessly enamoured like he always is – by hyunsik’s tired voice and his stubborn arms reluctant to let go, the way he mindlessly caresses his skin with the backs of his fingers. he’s warm to the touch and never gives up on being tender, inside and out.)

and the next time they get a chance like this is too unclear, but what ilhoon wouldn’t give for it to be soon – almost nothing.

 

 

 

 

everybody spends the morning at the museum of art even if it isn’t exactly relevant to their studies – it’s something to do and it isn’t very often that they come to busan. hyunsik decides that he and ilhoon should arrive a little later than the rest, puts his son-of-the-professor privileges to use, so it won’t be so crowded in the entrance and that they can keep to themselves as much as possible.

hyunsik photographs ilhoon beside paintings and sculptures, spends as much effort doing so as he does admiring the art itself. he recommends posing all cool for his mom, then cute just for him and ilhoon only finds it rather embarrassing when other students walk by, but he forgets again once hyunsik calls out to him. he’s the one who matters the most.

they head for the gift shop after they’ve just about seen the entire place. they’re only browsing – a few things catch ilhoon’s eye but they aren’t really worth their price tags, and what use does he have for postcards anyway when his parents live fifteen minutes from him. they step back out again and ilhoon spots the photo booth to the side.

he tugs at hyunsik’s sleeve, “hyung, let’s take some photos together before we leave.”

he pushes aside the curtain and enters first, hyunsik following behind him. they sit rather snugly, close together when there isn’t a whole lot of space, and hyunsik inserts coins until options appear on the monitor. he lets ilhoon pick the design for their photos – a simple yet cool one that’s not too busy – and then the countdown begins.

ilhoon raises two peace signs to his face and hyunsik copies him just in time for the camera. _snap._ ilhoon turns to hyunsik to check what he’s doing for the next photo, and in a split second he’s taken by surprise when hyunsik plants a kiss on his lips. _snap._ his eyes fall shut and he just goes with it, it feels too exhilarating when they’re out here yet so hidden away. _snap. snap._

passing through the curtain again seems like something to blush about after that, but there’s hardly anybody else around. they wait for the printing to finish, then collect their photos.

and thank god that they’re practically alone right now. ilhoon definitely can’t show these to his mom under any circumstance, even if she knew about the two of them. they aren’t as chaste as they could’ve been, but ilhoon thinks he quite likes that.

hyunsik nudges him, and he grins, “shall we take another set just for your mom?”

not a bad idea.

 

 

 

 

the first night back is a tiring one, but nothing that out of the ordinary. minhyuk’s kept leftovers from dinner for them and offers to heat it all up the second they step into the house, even if everybody’s watching soccer in the living room and he’s always the most into it.

“it’s okay, i’ll do it,” hyunsik kindly insists.

they leave their bags in their own rooms first of all, then return downstairs and head for the kitchen. hyunsik microwaves each side dish after another and sets them down on the counter since the dining table’s already been tidied up. he grabs apple juice from the refrigerator and pours it into two glasses – not their usual choice of drinks accompanying dinner, but it’s quick and a little fruit never hurt. they sit on the stools and it’s almost peaceful, even with the bustle of the living room being loud enough to hear.

“here,” hyunsik says, picking up the best-looking piece of pork with his chopsticks and placing it on top of ilhoon’s rice.

it’s tiny things exactly like that that somehow manage to send a surge of joy through him, as if he isn’t always happy just being by hyunsik’s side. love – it’s a funny thing.

“hello,” sungjae wanders in unexpectedly (or not since it’s, you know, sungjae). he goes straight for the snack cupboard. “oh, i hope i’m not getting in the way of you lovebirds. don’t mind me.”

“how can we not,” ilhoon rolls his eyes. nothing was awkward about this until sungjae said that. “you’re literally the most distracting person—”

“see that, sunbae? how rude he is to me—”

“can you get out,” ilhoon interrupts him back. “we’re trying to have dinner over here.”

“eat then. i’m not stopping you,” sungjae replies, nonchalant. he pulls out a family-sized bag of chips and leaves.

“is it weird if i find it cute when you’re like that?” hyunsik finally asks, while grinning of course. “because i kind of do.”

“how am i supposed to answer that?” ilhoon lightly nudges him.

“however you like,” he replies. he momentarily pauses to take some broccoli and drop it in his bowl. “i just wanted to let you know.”

he keeps that smile on his face, really doesn’t seem to expect a response though, and then it’s gone when he starts to yawn. ilhoon tries not to let it get to him, but it’s contagious and he can’t stop his eyes from clenching shut.

“i think we both need to have an early night,” hyunsik laughs to himself quietly.

and ilhoon nods at him, “but could i sleep with you,” he wonders for a second if that sounds odd. “i mean just that. sleep. i think i’ve gotten used to it during the past two days, and i... i know i’m going to miss it.”

“you can always be with me whenever you want, ilhoon-ah.”

 

 

 

 

it’s the middle of the week when they’re sitting in hyunsik’s room after classes have ended for the day, ilhoon on his bed and hyunsik on the chair by his desk. his eyes scan the ground for a while and ilhoon just watches until he says something.

“my dad’s been asking about you,” he finally does.

ilhoon immediately shifts forwards, “what?”

“sorry, i didn’t want to bring this up until we got home,” hyunsik continues, but he doesn’t seem particularly serious. ilhoon tries to save himself from worrying so soon, even if his stomach is instinctively turning. “he was wondering if there’s something between us, other than friendship. you know. i figured that it’d happen eventually, but i was still a bit surprised.”

“hyung,” ilhoon just wants to hear it. “did you tell him?”

“he said that i could be honest about it, that it wouldn’t change anything. i wish i could’ve asked you first, but i nodded and he knew,” hyunsik admits, and he isn’t quite smiling or frowning.

but ilhoon gets it, “we both know we can’t help things like that,” and he remembers that he can smile, even if only a little. “but i... i’m really glad that it went the way it did.”

he stays still as hyunsik gets up off his chair and comes closer, wraps his arms around ilhoon before he’s even sat down again. there’s nothing that feels better, more comforting than this – being able to rest his head on hyunsik, lean on him, push his cheek against his shoulder and hold him tight. just as tight as he’s holding him too.

“so am i,” hyunsik murmurs, voice hushed and hearing it is so inexplicably soothing to ilhoon. it always has been, as if it can erase every trouble he has locked inside of him for a fleeting moment, take him some place else where the things that matter here don’t.

hyunsik’s the first to let go but he takes ilhoon’s hand straight after. the side of his thigh presses against his and there’s a short silence between them.

“there’s something else that i’ve been thinking about a lot lately,” hyunsik breaks it like he usually does, and that’s fine by ilhoon when he has nothing to say. “since i’m graduating this summer, i’m going to be moving out.”

and ilhoon’s known this for some time, yet it hasn’t crossed his mind in a while, “have you found a place?”

“i was actually wondering if you’d consider coming with me, make that dream of ours come true,” hyunsik pauses as their eyes stay fixed, staring into each other. he smiles wider. “we can find a nice apartment and make it ours—”

“yes,” ilhoon interrupts him too excitedly, and he doesn’t even care to hold back. “yes, i’d love to.”

“frankly, i don’t think much else will change. i’m still going to be working around the music department,” hyunsik clings onto ilhoon’s fingers, playfully tugs at them and the look on his face is the same – warm and bright. “i’ll still walk home with you.”

his heart may be rather unsteady right now, but ilhoon replies with ease, “that sounds perfect to me.”

 

 

 

 

“that’s it for today,” hyunsik’s dad concludes the last session of the afternoon and claps his hands together before students begin to leave. “everybody, good luck with your exam preparation and may things go smoothly for all of you. if you run into any issues, be sure to come and see me or send an email.”

finals are right around the corner and there’s nothing fun about sensing impending doom at all times. ilhoon’s grades are better than he had imagined that they would be when he first started, and hyunsik’s always there, but being tested has never been his favourite thing in the world. just one mistake could make him drop an entire grade.

behind other students trying to get out, he walks to the end of the row, down the stairs and he glances at the professor for a split second. he takes another look before reaching the door and realises he’s smiling at him. he flashes a quick smile back, feels a tad embarrassed all of a sudden and gives him a tiny bow before exiting. that was fine, right?

he finds hyunsik waiting in the hallway and doesn’t tell him until they’re far enough from that lecture hall that he knows he won’t be overheard. (call him paranoid but he’s had numerous unfortunate instances involving talking about people only to notice that they’re within earshot. he’s learned his lesson.)

“i don’t know, i felt kind of flustered so i just... left,” ilhoon almost shamefully admits. “i mean, i smiled at him, but i don’t have a clue what i would’ve said to him.”

“don’t worry about it. he knows you’re a little shy and i’m sure he didn’t expect anything from you,” hyunsik assures him, and he feels somewhat better to hear that.

“i guess, but i just want him to like me,” he mumbles back anyway.

“he does,” hyunsik reaches for his shoulder and pulls him a bit closer. “i know it’s strange at the moment, but we could get together and have dinner or something. that might help you feel more comfortable with him.”

“yeah,” ilhoon actually doesn’t mind that idea. “maybe after i’ve talked to my mom? we could make it a family thing.”

“sure, i’d like that,” hyunsik agrees. “there’s no rush though so it’s okay to take your time, especially right now. we’ll wait for you, you know.”

ilhoon resists hugging him at this very second in this hallway, and just nods, “thank you.”

“so, what shall we go over tonight?” hyunsik pushes the door open when they reach it and he lets ilhoon step outside first. he’s back by his side straight after and, for somebody about to enter an examination period, ilhoon feels rather content with himself, life, _everything_. “more theory? music history?”

 

 

 

 

ilhoon’s first exam takes place in the morning, and hyunsik doesn’t have much reason to be on campus today so ilhoon insisted that he stays at home. making his own way there isn’t so interesting, but he hated the idea of disrupting hyunsik’s sleep just so he could walk with him even more than being alone for once. he can’t always allow himself to be selfish now.

they’re starting the week with music history, also known to students as writing essays of every single thing they can remember about the given topics, whether or not they actually answer the questions. ilhoon racks his brain for the last few details about renaissance italy that he had gone over before sleeping until hyunsik’s voice is in his head, the conversation they had about it faintly replaying.

piece of cake.

once the time is up, ilhoon leaves the venue in pretty high spirits. he leisurely strolls along the corridor towards the exit of the building, fails to properly register that it’s raining outside until he’s about to head off. he gives it five minutes to stop, but all it does is get heavier and he has no other option except to brave it. he holds his hands above his head while stepping out, and he eyes the bus stop in the distance.

he watches the bus pull up, and he knows he’ll never make it. the next one passing their house won’t be for another quarter hour. still, he can sit under the shelter and at least be shielded from the downpour, so he hurries onwards.

“you aren’t really going to walk around like that, are you?”

ilhoon stops at the same time as the rain hitting his hair does. he turns to find hyunsik holding an umbrella over the two of them, his head slightly tilted as he awaits an answer.

“um—what are you doing here?” ilhoon asks back, and he feels as if he might be starting to blush, perhaps from embarrassment like he’s been caught out.

“i know that you never carry an umbrella with you,” hyunsik replies, almost letting out a laugh. “come on, you’re not getting sick again when you have finals to ace.”

and ilhoon’s not complaining since hyunsik’s already here. they continue on for the bus stop, huddled close together so neither of them will get wet, and the day has quickly turned from stressful to not that bad at all.

“hyung,” ilhoon calls out as they’re still walking, and he can’t help but smile.

hyunsik turns to him, “hm?”

“i love you.”

“what was that?” he asks, smiling back at ilhoon.

that makes his gaze suddenly so difficult to hold and he swiftly looks away, but there’s a smirk on his face that he can’t hide, “i’m not repeating myself.”

“you’ve gotten bold with me, jung ilhoon,” hyunsik says, unexpectedly patting him on the shoulder. “i like that though.”

 

 

 

 

on an exam-free day, ilhoon doesn’t reject hyunsik’s invitation to take a break from studying and go to lunch a few streets away. there’s a new café that had opened only this month, and they figure that they should try it before they’re no longer living around here. (but even so, if it’s worth it, they could return and take a wander around the neighbourhood, remember this first year all over again. no problem.)

once they’re home, they walk in on eunkwang dusting the living room. he notices the two of them when the door latches.

“hi, ilhoonie,” he cheerfully says, looking over as hyunsik turns the key in the lock. “hello, hyunsikie.”

“hey,” he replies, and they step further inside. “could we talk for a minute?”

eunkwang takes a seat on the couch and motions for them to join him, “sure! what’s on your mind?”

they’ve thought hard about this, wondered how exactly to tell him because hyunsik’s seen and knows how heartbroken he gets whenever somebody leaves. it’s too easy to become attached when living so closely like this, and hyunsik’s been here since he started college.

“we’re going to be leaving this summer,” hyunsik breaks it to him, and his voice is rarely this hesitant. “living here has been one of the best experiences in the past four years for me, but i think the time is right,” he nods to himself in reassurance. “sorry to be so sudden. we haven’t even had the chance to apartment search yet.”

“ah, i see,” eunkwang nods back at hyunsik, slowly, but there’s this smile on his face that’s telling them there’s nothing to worry about. “well, it’s okay. we’re really going to miss you guys, but of course it’ll be nice to have your own place together! of course you’d want that now that you’ve got each other, and that makes me so happy. actually, it reminds me of when minhyuk and i first got this—anyway, what i mean to say is that we of all people should understand. besides, you’re always welcome to join us for dinner, or just drop by and visit.”

it would be correct to believe that eunkwang’s positivity is contagious and it gets them both just like that, makes everything they had feared about this disappear.

“we definitely will,” hyunsik replies, and ilhoon knows that’s a promise.

“then we’ll be right here,” eunkwang reaches out to them and gives their arms a fond squeeze. “you’re both part of our family, you know.”

 

 

 

 

the end of the examination period doesn’t arrive until ilhoon’s finally out the door of the last venue and on his way to meet hyunsik elsewhere in the building. he spots him standing near the entrance, and he opens his arms wide for ilhoon once he notices him too.

“how was it?” he asks before letting go.

“i don’t want to jinx it, but i actually think i did pretty well,” ilhoon grins at him, and he doesn’t think things could have went better this year.

“i don’t doubt it,” hyunsik ruffles his hair and it takes ilhoon back for a moment, to the early days but they’ve come so far now. “we should celebrate tonight. stop by the convenience store near home, grab some snacks and just stay up late together. just you and me.”

it’d take too much effort for ilhoon to resist the urge, so he goes ahead and wraps his arm around hyunsik’s without delay, and he asks him, “would i have it any other way?”

certainly not in this lifetime.

they reach the store at their own pace and stay with each other while browsing the aisles. when they arrive at the refrigerated beverages, they stop to take a look. hyunsik takes a bottle of soju and scans the label, then another and compares the two of them.

“hyung,” ilhoon taps on hyunsik’s arm. “could i get some too?”

“you want to drink tonight, ilhoon-ah?” he asks, knowing that ilhoon’s never been one to.

he nods, “just today.”

“i’ll pick something sweet for you to mix with it then,” hyunsik offers, along with a smile. he searches the rows of fruit-flavoured soda now, seems deep in thought about it, and he eventually settles for one peach and one grape – ilhoon’s favourites.

and so the night’s direction has been decided. they’ll pour themselves a few glasses with the lights low in hyunsik’s room, maybe put on a movie and cuddle up close together, and just let the hours fly. a wonderful way to welcome summer.

 

 

 

 

there isn’t long left until ilhoon starts moving out and everybody who’ll be returning in autumn will be leaving for their families too. it’s their last week together and, as much as it’s been hectic having so many people under one roof, ilhoon’s got a bitter feeling inside that he’s going to miss it all.

hyunsik comes home after visiting his dad on campus for one reason or another. ilhoon hears the front door from upstairs, the sound of his footsteps approaching, and his own door opening as hyunsik enters his room.

“here,” he holds out several pieces of paper and hands them to ilhoon. he sits down on the bed with him. “come to my graduation. my dad thinks you should be there, and the extra tickets... your parents could come too.”

“my dad’s still working abroad, but i’ve been meaning to talk to my mom once i’m home,” ilhoon says, unintentionally tightening his grip on the tickets. he looks hyunsik in the eye and his voice isn’t so strong right now. “i just don’t know what to say yet, or if i’ll even tell her, but i’m going to try.”

“you don’t have to say anything you don’t want to,” hyunsik wraps an arm around him, and his other hand rests on his lap. “i’m sorry. i’m not trying to pressure you.”

“no, hyung, it’s okay. i know you aren’t,” ilhoon gives him a smile and he means it. “it’s just that—i think i should do this already. she’ll find out at some point anyway.”

“it’s completely up to you,” hyunsik brings him closer, moves the hair from his face and he presses a kiss to his forehead. “i’ve got your back no matter what.”

 

 

 

 

it’s only thursday evening when the entire house is sitting around the dining table, eunkwang and minhyuk having gone all out in the kitchen tonight. there’s an unfamiliar atmosphere going on – joyous but not completely so, almost wistful in that it feels as if it was just yesterday when they had come together for the first time. being surrounded by people who seemed to want him around, _care_ , this could’ve been the best year ilhoon’s had yet.

of course, there’s still the next and all the rest after that to come. he and hyunsik living out their wish and whatever other fantasies they can dream up.

“sungjae’s leaving us tomorrow, so we worked especially hard on dinner tonight,” eunkwang says before they begin to eat. he looks to minhyuk for a reassuring smile. “it’s been a really great year with all of you, so don’t ever think that we’ll forget it.”

“and it’s exciting, actually,” minhyuk adds, then glancing at one half of the table. “sungjae’s heading off around the world next week, hyunsikie and ilhoonie will be moving in together—”

“could i have hyunsik’s room?” changsub interrupts, suddenly hopeful.

“if anybody should have it, it’s me. i don’t need you touching my head for another year,” peniel says, the sternest ilhoon’s ever seen him be.

“i told you, it’s to get the circulation going,” changsub explains with a sigh.

“hyung, didn’t you fail biology?” sungjae joins in, naturally. he’s got that wide grin on his face and changsub’s left speechless.

and as noisy as it gets around here, as restless as it can be at times, ilhoon’s got a special spot in his heart reserved for every one of these guys now. he’s also got a hope in there that when he and hyunsik get to paying this place a visit, things won’t have changed too much.

 

 

 

 

life is quiet once ilhoon’s back at home with his mom. he mostly stays in during the day, unless hyunsik calls him up and asks if there’s anywhere he’d like to go, and even then he spends the entire evening up to the second he falls asleep texting him. and goodnight messages and little songs through recordings are sweet, sure, but they certainly don’t beat lying down next to him and waking up still by his side.

ilhoon will readily admit that he’s way later than he said he’d be with this, but he’s sitting down for dinner one evening when he finds it in him to stop eating for a moment and speak.

“mom, you remember my sunbae, right?” he asks, hesitation running through his veins and showing in his voice.

his mom looks up from her bowl, “of course i do, ilhoon. he’s your friend.”

“well, he’s graduating this summer but—um, he asked if i’d come and live with him. in our own place,” he spits it out, the sooner the better.

“oh, really?” she sits up and sets her chopsticks down, leans a little closer since this is supposed to be a conversation and ilhoon intends to continue it.

“yeah,” he nods. “i know i should’ve told you first but i said yes—”

“no, that’s great,” she insists and, knowing her, ilhoon doesn’t think that she’s just saying it. “you can make your own decisions now. besides, you seem close and he takes good care of you. i feel that i can trust him.”

he takes a moment before opening his mouth again. seconds seem to turn into minutes, heartbeats into full-on pounding in his chest, and becoming conscious of his own breathing doesn’t exactly help much either – it’s becoming more and more erratic.

he composes himself, the way he’s taught himself to, “actually, there’s something else i’ve been meaning to tell you.”

“what is it?”

“you’re right, hyunsik-hyung and i are close. in fact, it’s been some months now and i guess that isn’t long at all, but we... we’re dating,” finally admitting that feels like some kind of relief to ilhoon, but at the same time just another weight on top of him as if this will never end. it probably won’t for as long as he lives, he knows that, but if there’s any possibility that she could at least make things easier for him— “mom, you know what i mean here, don’t you?”

she’s staring at him, eyes focused on his although she hasn’t a word to say yet. he’d already anticipated that it’d take a bit of time to sink in but the silence is killing him.

“i still trust him,” she says after too long. “i was wondering why you seemed so nervous just then.”

ilhoon finally breathes out, “now you know.”

“and i still love you,” she replies, reaching for his hand across the table. she takes it into hers, doesn’t hold on too tight, and she’s so warm – just as he remembers. “i want you to be happy, ilhoon, and if that’s what he makes you then that’s that.”

she smiles at him and it’s rare for her to do so, especially like this. there’s something comforting about it, undeniably soothing and real. she’s on his side, even if dad’s a whole other story for a different day.

“mom, would you come to his graduation with me?” ilhoon takes the next step. he’s had the tickets in his pocket, ready and waiting for this moment. now, he can pull them out and show her. “his dad got these for us, said we should be there.”

there’s no delay in her response, “then let him know that we will.”

 

 

 

 

 **[19:20] ilhoon:** hyung

 **[19:21] ilhoon:** could we meet up tomorrow?

 **[19:23] hyunsik:** coffee shop near your place at 2?

although he should know better, ilhoon arrives early in case hyunsik does (and too bad that he’s always either one of two things: on time or late, but never early). he spots a vacant table with two chairs and he’s come prepared with a bag to sit on the empty one until hyunsik’s here. he checks his phone for any messages, perhaps a notification of a delay, but nothing.

and of course it’d be as he’s sighing to himself when there’s a tap on his shoulder that makes him turn around so suddenly, only to find nobody behind him and hyunsik moving his bag from his seat when he turns back again.

“that never gets old,” hyunsik quietly laughs, sitting down across from him. “i’m really curious as to why you were so secretive about things last night. _i’ll tell you when you get there_ , i’m here now.”

“hyung,” ilhoon says and he pauses for a moment – he didn’t intend to sound quite so serious. “i told her.”

“ilhoon—”

“it’s alright. she took it well,” he smiles to lift the tense mood he’s caused, but he isn’t faking it. “yeah, she likes you. she said she trusts you.”

“i’m glad,” hyunsik seems to let out an entire lifetime’s worth of worry with one sigh. “but me aside, she’s okay with everything, right? you, i mean.”

“i guess so,” ilhoon shrugs and he still can’t exactly believe it himself. “she’d probably be more scandalised if she knew that i...” he stifles an almost childish giggle, and then he lowers his voice. “ _that i’m not actually a virgin._ ”

and then that same old radiant grin appears, right on cue, “i must seem like a sweet guy.”

“you _are_ a sweet guy,” ilhoon snorts at him, as if he can suddenly have an attitude towards him. (and, actually, hyunsik doesn’t even care.) “you just have an appetite.”

“i could say the same about you,” he smirks, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair. “skipping classes with the sole intention of—”

“using your own dad’s office to—”

“let’s finish this elsewhere,” hyunsik stands up although they’ve only just arrived and ilhoon doesn’t have a single objection to that. if anybody was searching for seats, they’re in luck.

as for these two, hyunsik reckons that a little place named home is empty right now – his dad’s at a meeting and his mom in another city – so perhaps he could show ilhoon his room back there and they could put it to use. just a little more of this until they no longer have to tread carefully, just a bit more time until it’ll be ‘their home’, ‘their bedroom’, rather than one or the other’s.

 

 

 

 

summer’s well in session when ilhoon’s lying on the couch in his living room, the windows open and his mom nowhere to be seen, just like things have been day in and day out lately. he’s already forgotten how it feels to have so much playing on his mind – homework and quizzes, deadlines and early mornings – even if it’s only for now. and he’d ordinarily be texting hyunsik, but it’s taking some time for him to get back to him at the moment. must be his dad, or perhaps a knock at the door.

 _bzzz._ ilhoon’s phone unexpectedly vibrates against his chest and it’s hyunsik’s contact name on the screen. he answers the second he sees it.

“ilhoon-ah,” he calls out, a cheery kind of feeling to his voice as if he can’t contain himself right now. “i found this apartment that i think you’d really like. if you’re free tomorrow, how about we go and check it out?”

and ilhoon smiles to himself like nothing could be better than this, even if hyunsik can’t see just how much hearing this means to him, and what else could he say to that but, “that sounds perfect to me.”


End file.
